TODAY, in Zambia and world over, hardly a week passes without hearing of women and men dying at the hands of the people they love in Crimes of passion.
Crimes of passion affect everyone and even ordinary people who do not have any history of violence commit these crimes.
They report sharing deep emotional bonds with their victims that eventually led to betrayals or passionate disputes such as unfaithful spouses or lovers, or people disagreeing about financial or prideful issues.  They may also include a stranger who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Psychologists actually explain that each person is potentially a passionate murderer or a victim of one.
Government, through the Zambia police service is doing everything in its power to ensure that crimes of passion are reduced in the country by implementing stricter punishment on those who commit such acts.
Unfortunately while we would have loved to continue to say “Boma Iyanganepo,” meaning, Government should look into this issue, government is limited when it comes to preventing these crimes of passion.
This is because many of such crimes always happen in private places such as bedrooms or homes.
Hundreds of people in Zambia continue to die at the mercy of their lovers in these crimes of passion.
These crimes of passion in Zambia are on the increase and there is urgent need to halt them otherwise the country is headed for doom.
It is saddening to see how the youths and even the elderly couples are killing each other over matters of love.
Many children throughout the country are being orphaned and extended families are losing their bread winners because of these crimes of passion.
There is need for sensitizing of the public on how to handle relationship pressures to prevent people from taking each others’ lives over love issues.
Couples should be sensitized and be able to know when to stay or walk out of a love relationship instead of clinging to it until one loses their life.
There is also need for the Church to play its rightful role of counseling married couples to avoid such deaths.
Some women and men are said to hold on to a marriage despite the abuse for economic reasons.
According to marital psychologists, many offenders of such crimes do not do so in a moment of jealous but in most cases than not, both of these men and women put up with so much abuse before they react.
The experts explain that there are people who have killed their spouse’s lover, not because he/she had more money than them but because of the reason that they ‘stole’ their lovers.
“Not many couples will admit this in public but the reality is that many men and women find it hard to accept that their lover is intimately involved with someone else.
Most crimes of passion are committed because of the mere fact that a man or woman has found their perfect sexual partner and is unwilling to share.”
“Chemistry does all sorts of things to people. Some handle it very well but others get destroyed completely,” the experts explained.
According to these experts, when it comes to reacting to conflict, the decisions people make are based on feelings and thoughts. Many people actually fail to balance the two and end up favouring one over the other.
As psychologist and counselor Ali Male rightly says, it all lies in a person’s capacity to control themselves.
“Some people have strong control over their emotions. This is normally coupled with a high sense of esteem and logic in the person. Such people are not easily driven by their emotions.”
Those who have weak control over their emotions can easily commit murder when in a fit of rage. It is only the intervention of a third party that can stop them.
“The control of emotions is strongly influenced by our personality types. For instance, someone with a Type A personality is more prone to anger and makes instant decisions without consultation.”
A Type A personality, with a low locus of control, is a disaster waiting to happen.
The experts explain however explain that sometimes, a person who suffered abuse in childhood, and suppressed their emotions can have difficulty keeping them in when faced with conflict.
That is why you may find a jovial and outgoing person, who turns into something else when they are angry.
“We all have a shadow side that we do not want others to know about, the only difference is how react when that side is discovered. For some people, this reality can cause extreme stress, sparking off terrible anger,” Dr Male said.
According to Dr Stanton Samenow, a clinical psychologist, in his book Inside the Criminal Mind, “The person who commits a ‘crime of passion’ has, at least in his thinking, resorted to extreme measures in response to other disturbing, threatening situations.”
He explains that crimes of passion depend on the character of the person.
“We all face problems everyday but we do not kill,” he explains.
“Thousands of people experience serious problems in relationships that tax their patience, their pocketbooks, and their psychological resources. But they do not react by antagonising the source of their difficulties, they address their predicaments in other ways,” Dr Samenow said.
Dr Samenow further explains that a husband, who points a gun at his wife and her lover, after catching them in bed, might plead temporal insanity while in rage but the question that needs an answer is how has he been responding to conflict in the past?
“A lay person may call it temporary insanity but it is actually a disorder that has been going on for a long time. It could be a personality disorder coupled with other issues like alcohol,” ,” Dr Male said.
He explains that those who commit crimes of passion tend to have a history of responding to conflict with anger and threats.
The psychologists advise that when one is in a state of acute anger, it is important for a person to change position.
“If you have been standing, sit or lie down to think about your reaction. This small change in posture could be what stands between you and murder,” Dr Male said.
It is important to get rid of the toxic feelings that are shadowing one’s reasoning. It is also advisable to vent the anger through punching a pillow or doing physical exercises like running or walking.
Killing the person one perceives as the source of their problem says so much about one’s character.
Many people usually take the law in their own hands and do things in the heat of the moment when they are angry just for them to regret later.
There is need to encourage couples to spare some time and reflect on issues in their relationships to avoid committing crimes of passion.
Dialogue is the biggest key. Many crimes of passion could have easily been avoided had the perpetrators not allowed their emotions to take over their lives.
While crimes of passion are difficult to deter or prevent, government, the church and the general public could also work together to curb the worrying trend of partners injuring and killing each other in Zambia through counseling and sensitization programmes.
Comments: moongacharity10@gmail.com