Taipa was pregnant by Prophet Wantudu.  The prophet was doing everything he could to ensure this ugly secret did not come out into the public domain because his “spiritual” business in Zambia risked coming to an abrupt and scandalous end.
He had made the fatal mistake of also sleeping with Taipa’s younger sister Nera, an act which he had at the time considered a huge coup d’etat even when he knew it was morally indefensible.  For some reason it had hugely satisfied his ego.
When he had discovered that Nera was a habitual seductress who had been laid by virtually all other men that had either married or dated her older sisters, it angered him that Nera had actually hoodwinked him into becoming just another figure, counted as just another of the boyfriends of her sisters that she too had bedded.  He thought Nera was totally mad to target her brothers in law in this manner.  And so he confronted her for a serious tongue lashing.
He had not bargained for what he had now apparently gotten into.  Nera was in competition with her sister, over what, Prophet Wantudu could not quite tell.  But it had come out in that confrontation on the phone.  “Is it my fault if her men come after me…?” or something like that!  Was it a beauty contest between the sisters?  What were they contesting really?
Whatever the issue between them, he was now entangled in a fierce battle between siblings that threatened to finish him off completely.  Nera was promising to beat up her pregnant older sister Taipa!  And not just that!  She was promising to volunteer the scandalous information that the man who had made her pregnant, the mighty Prophet Wantudu had also been having sex with her, the younger of the siblings.
“Let her tell all family and friends that I, Nera, have done it again!” she had announced on the phone.  “She enjoys telling people that I sleep with my in laws so let her know that I have indeed done it again.  Afterwards, I will beat her up!”
Wantudu was not sure whether to pre-empt whatever chaos was brewing by dashing to Taipa’s home, which she shared with her mad sister Nera.  Even as he left the toilet where he had been making that ill-advised phone call to Nera, which had now attracted impending doom on his booming career, he was in a state of total confusion.  He unceremoniously told the long queue of clients waiting to be given the many of his fake prophesies, niceties which he dreamed up as and when he met the different people who so solidly believed in him when he knew he was a total masquerade, that they should disperse because he had been summoned to report to State House!
“I need to go and pray at the big house,” he announced as people applauded and shouted Halleluiahs and amens upon hearing that their idol was going on national duty to the presidential lodging place.  It just gave them satisfaction to know their man was so important he was now even attracting the attention of the head of state.
He lied to his body guards and small crowd of pastors that lingered about him that his visit was supposed to be incognito, that he would be picked from his home in just thirty minutes so could everybody just knock off till the following day.
He got into the small Toyota Vitz with tinted glasses that he always used whenever he had to move about incognito.  As he drove towards Taipa’s place, his heart in his mouth and the bout of diarrhea threatening to embarrass him, he called Nera again.  The phone rang for a while before cutting.  He dialed the number again.  And again, Nera didn’t answer.  He was tempted to call Taipa but was not sure whether to do that.  What would he tell her if she answered?  In fact even as he drove towards her home, he had absolutely no idea what he would tell her.
He was equally in the dark and worried about the state in which he would find that place.  What if the clowns will already have been exchanging blows over him by the time he arrived and the fight would have spilled outdoors and into the public?  That Nera would obviously be spilling all the beans about having had sex with the famous Prophet Wantudu, who was responsible for her sister’s pregnancy, and … maybe Taipa herself would be saying nasty things about Nera for having slept with a man she knew was not only her sister’s lover but whose baby she was expecting.  And if the whole townshipwould by the time of his arrival be in the know about this scandal and his scandalous secrets, what would theydo to him if they realized it was him in the Vitz?
They would probably attack him, set the little car ablaze and beat the false prophesies out of him for good measure.  Prophet Wantudu parked and sweated over a decision.  He was certainly in total confusion.  What the hell should he do?  Why the damned hell did he get entangled with mad sisters like Taipa and Nera?  Was he getting his dues for a promiscuous and cheating life?  Was God about to unleash his wrath on him for all the sinful things he had been doing under the guise of doing Christian Ministry?
He called Nera’s number again.  She answered.
“Nera listen…” he started.
She called him a male private part and pronounced it with such disdain he literally winced as if stabbed with a knife.  He had heard drunken boys and maybe one or two women use such obscene and vulgar language before but not on him.
“If you are looking for toys to play with, search for your Taipa and get to her before I do.  Because if I get to her earlier than you, I will whip her so much she will never talk about me again!” the ranting was on again.  “I give my own body to the men I sleep with, not Taipa’s.”
“Nera please….” He was desperate.  She kept quiet.  “Listen Nera I am very sorry.  Let’s talk this over please. Don’t talk to Taipa I beg you!  Let me talk to … I mean let’s discuss this amicably.  I know you are upset.  I would also be upset if I were you but come on, babe, please sweetheart, you are too angry to talk to anyone, least of all your sister!”
“That’s why I want to beat her up!” she retorted.
“Noooo please, Nera, don’t!” he pleaded.
There was silence.  He didn’t know if she had agreed to his proposed cease fire.
“I need to meet you,” he tried.  “Just now if you can make it.”
“I am always ready,” she answered.
“Good.  Er… I am coming in that direction.  Where can we meet?”
“It’s your meeting.  You are the one who wants to go to the toilet.  The one who has the diarrhea is the one who decides which toilet to use.  Tell me.”
“Ok, er… near Shoprite there.  I am using a silver grey Vitz with tinted glasses.  I am coming straight away.”
“Ok.  You will find me.”
“Don’t talk to Taipa till I have spoken with you, ok?”
“I said come, didn’t I?” nasty again.
“Ok I am on my way.”
He started the car and was about to join the road when the phone rang.  He checked.  It was Taipa.  He turned off the engine and answered the call.
“Which girlfriend were you talking to?” she attacked. “I have been trying to call you for ten minutes and it kept saying number busy, number busy.”
“Oh, it’s a client,” he lied.  “I must find you,” she told him.“I am on my way.  I should be there at your office in ten minutes.”
“Hey, hey, hey!  You can’t!” he exclaimed.  “I am on my way to State House.  I’ve been summoned by the president so I am not at my office.”
“So how do I pay for the taxi since I told him pay forward?” she queried.
“Hey!  Er…ok, tell him you will pay him tomorrow.  You can come for the money…”
“No.  I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me.  How can he trust me?  Just hang on at your office till I come.”
“I have already left, Taipa babe!”
“Fine, then let me follow you to State House.”
“Hey you can’t!  They won’t even allow you in.
“I didn’t say I am coming in.  I will park outside somewhere till you finish.  But you will have to pay waiting fees for the taxi if you take too long.”
“But Taipa listen…”
Mwayambakoupubawanu (You’ve started your foolishness again)?” this was a threat.  Mufunamunikalifye (You want to provoke me)?  Just tell me where we meet.  NOW! Before you go to State House or anywhere else!”