WITH this internet age, hot and steamy relationships have been born on social media which have lasted a lifetime.
Through social media sites like Facebook, instagram, Twitter, men and women are now able to discreetly cheat on their partners and spouses.
However, it now appears that the betrayed people are now hitting back and have resorted to using the same social media to expose their cheating spouses.
Many spouses are now using social media to expose problems in relationships including the cheating.
Through status updates, many partners and spouses are announcing the status of their relationships and any horrible things their partner has done to the whole world.
In Zambia today, there are so many Facebook page groups that have been opened with the sole aim of exposing cheating spouses.
Rival partners have traded insults on these Facebook accounts so many times because of these exposures.
The question that begs an answer is that, should spouses really go to the extent of exposing their marital problems to the whole world through social media?
Elsewhere on Facebook, one wife is said to have updated her status to say her relationship went from ‘being engaged’ to ‘it’s complicated’, just for her husband to post below that, in fact, it wasn’t complicated but that he caught her committing adultery with another man.
One other lady posted on her Facebook page that she hated cheaters and that her husband made her ‘sick’.
The husband responded ‘You are a hypocrite, deal with it.’
One other wife decided to write an open letter to her ex-husband, telling the world about his HIV/AIDS status.
Whatever the case, it is necessary for spouses to keep their relationships private and off social media.
According to many relationship experts, social media has the power to destroy relationships.
It is sad that many people have lost the art of privacy, and can no longer keep their relationships sacred and secret.
Any couple that parades their relationship problems online for all to see will gain nothing from it
It is necessary to note that revealing all of one’s personal problems to everyone you know on social media is never an effective method for solving issues. If anything, it will only make the situation worse in your relationship.
Many people who have exposed their marital challenges public and on social media have regretted their actions because that destroyed their relationships irretrievably.
One woman regretted the action of ranting on instagram which made shocking revelations about her husband.
She regretted her actions but it was too late as that destroyed her marriage completely.
“My biggest failure as a wife was exposing my private life and marital problems on social media. There will always be speculation, but by addressing it, you are adding more fuel to the fire. I have now chosen never to address anything,” she said.
It is also necessary for couples to realise that marriage is not like dating but that it is an institution that needs to remain sacred.
One man said “People need to realise that your family is your business and every business has a secret,” he said.
There is need for privacy in any relationship if intimacy is to grow.
One way of avoiding to post about marital problems on social media is for couples to learn to log off whenever they are upset with their spouses.
Experts advise that “If you just had a fight or you are going through a rough patch, step away from the computer (or your phone).”
Spouses should note that there is no right thinking man or woman who will be happy to have their spouse expose them on social media and indeed anywhere.
Some of the reasons to avoid exposing problems include the fact that hearts can heal after an incident but the impact of exposing wounds on social media can be massive. The couple’s  reputation, integrity and social life is all jeopardised.
By exposing problems on Facebook, you are inviting a lot of witnesses to your marital challenges and those witnesses could be an ex or even a mutual friend.
Additionally, the more you expose your negative marital issues, the more hesitant people are going to be a part of your marital journey. You will be isolated as no one wants to get close to someone that constantly has ‘extra baggage.’
Further, experts say that when you share relationship problems on social media, you are inviting an audience and hoping for condolences and words of wisdom and encouragement but this is not always the case.
Even as you get back out there, people will be cautious with you. Be it friends, potential next partners and the deeper the details you expose, or the more frequent, the more risky people will view you.
Additionally, when you expose it all on social media or indeed elsewhere, you will have ‘scars and bruises’ and as fate would have it, repairing those same scars and bruises must be done in the eyes of others and that is through the same social media.
Another sad issue is that once your marital challenges have been documented on social media, the details of the issues cannot be altered.
It is also necessary to consider your children, friends, family who may be affected by the exposure. Your pain will be others pain so do not transfer your grief to them anymore than it has to be by exposing your marital problems on Facebook.
People should also realise that in everyone’s social media circles, there are other people that are just waiting for the worst thing to happen so that they can celebrate those problems and possibly distort the details.
Whatever the problem, spouses should behave as true survivors, courageous, strong and people who persevere. That can definitely not be shown when someone uses social media as a tool to paint their problems and grievances about their marriages for the world to see.
Social media will continue to provide a platform for communications for everyone but whether or not one is actually sad, depressed, or in a crisis with regards their marriage, social media is definitely not the forum to publicise it.
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