EARLY this year, March 12, 2016 to be precise, I wrote an article titled ‘Realities of hard times’.
In this article, I wrote about a woman who was neglected after her father died and she had no one to help her with funeral arrangements.
She was only bailed out by her 19-year-old last born son who sacrificed the little money he had been saving to enable him go to a driving school and used it to buy a coffin to bury his grand father and feed the people at the funeral.
After this article was published, I received some email and phone messages from some readers who were sympathetic with the young man who took it upon himself to sponsor the funeral although there were elderly people like his older brothers and uncles who could have done that.
One of the email messages came from a widow who said since she lost her husband 11 years ago, survived by her and a one-year-old seven months old daughter, she has never seen any of her daughter’s relatives from her father’s side after the burial.
“It is true these days it’s each one for himself and God for us all motto in Zambian/African set up.
“Gone are the days when families were united and I almost went through hell when I lost my husband some years back and my daughter, Sasha was then one year seven months old and now she will be celebrating her 12th birthday this November.
“I have never spotted some of her relatives from her daddy’s side after the burial. It was each one for himself and God for us all, but thank God that he fought the battle for which was mine and I am now working and I am able to contribute to the education of my daughter and her wellbeing.
“My thanks go to my family. My encouragement is that you maybe going through what I went through maybe even worse. Trust in the creator the one who knew you even before you were conceived and that’s God. He will never leave you. He will lift you up from nothing to something. No body to somebody. To the writer, continue with the same sprit. I salute you and looking forward to some more articles. Bravo. Yours in Christ SMM,read the email message.
I have been made to write this article because last week ,I came across a similar story on two different occasions.
The first was from a mealie meal shop in Ndola’s Chifubu Township where I found a man in his 30s lamenting about the cruelty of his brother-in-law who has refused to take responsibility of his daughter after his wife died years back.
According to the man, his sister died when the child was about five years old and his brother-in-law refused to take any responsibility of his daughter after he quickly married another woman whom he found with three children.
I don’t know how the story started because I found it mid-way when I went to buy mealie meal from this outlet.
“Abafyashiabaumeabengibabiimitima.Kutibalabakoshanikubana abo baifyalila?’’ (Many male parents are ill-hearted. How can they forget about their own biological children?) The man was telling another man I found in the shop who was also buying some mealie- meal.
The other man enquired about who was keeping the child after her father refused to take responsibility. It was then that the man started explaining that when his sister died, his parents who were old people were made to get the child because she was too young and his brother-in-law would not manage without a woman at home.
The man said months after his sister died, his brother-in-law married another woman and when he was asked to get his daughter since he was now married, the man refused.
“My mother and father were very old. When my brother-in-law married another woman he was told that he should get his daughter so that he keeps her together with the children he found with his new wife but he refused.
“I was just a young man then and at school. It was when I completed school and got a job when I got the girl who is my niece from my aged parents,” narrated the man.
He said that the girl was very intelligent at school and she passed her grade 12 with flying colours and when he approached his brother-in-law to inform him about his daughter’s results and that he should provide the money for her to go to university, the man flatly refused.
“Niweumusunganombaulefwayainendelipilaimpiyashakusukulu?Nshifishibefyo,’’ (It is you who is keeping the child but you want me to be paying for her school fees? That is not my concern) the man said his brother-in-law replied after he was approached when his niece passed and a place for her was found at a university on the Copper belt.)
The man explained that what was surprising was that his brother-in-law was managing to look after the three step-children he found with his wife.
“Alalipilanempiyaishingikuma private school ukoabatwala.Nshaishiba eco mulamuebelefi,” (He even pays a lot of money to private schools where he has taken his step-children. I don’t know why my brother-in-law is like that,) complained the man.
The man he was explaining this to sadly shook his head as he picked a 25kg bag of mealie meal and walked out to load it in a vehicle.
I bought my mealie meal and left.
About two days later, I came across some women who were complaining about the ill-treatment a certain girl (name withheld) was receiving from her own biological father after her mother died.
To make matters worse, according to the women, the girl has even been forsaken by her own relatives from her mother’s side and she has to squat with sympathetic friends from time to time.
“Ba wishi balimukana ati temwana wabo bababepeshefye ati ifumo banyina abafwa bakwete talyalilyabo.” (The father has denied the girl saying her late mother was telling lies that it was his pregnancy) said one of the woman.
Another woman said it was surprising that the man never mentioned that when his wife was alive.
She said when the man’s wife died, the man married another woman whom he was staying with peacefully but things changed when he impregnated a house maid whom he opted to marry and divorce his second wife and chased his daughter saying he was not her father.
“Balibalishyafyekolyokolyokulimediwabouwobaupanomba.Kutibatanfyashaniumukashiapabulaumulandubamutanfishapamo no mwanawabo,” (He has been fed with lizard love potion by his maid whom he has since married. How can he divorce the woman he married after his wife died without any cause and chasing her together with his own child) said the woman.
As an eavesdropper, this was quite interesting. I have heard, and I am sure you have heard too, stories about lizard love potions.
But it was difficult to believe some women could go to such extents to make men love them more than anything else including their own children.
The women explained to each other that the man started going out with his house maid when his wife was going out on business trips to order some goods.
I was expecting to hear more of this story when I heard a child from a house call one of the women.
One of the women got to her feet and started going towards the house where the child was calling from. I knew then that I would not hear any more of this story, but I wondered why some families dumped their own after the death of one of their parents.
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