MANY times, there have been cases in magistrate courts where people who were supposed to be couples have had their marriages nullified because the men did not pay dowries to legalise their marriage.
More often than not, it is women who seek divorce for different reasons including those of their husbands being cruel and not providing for their families.
On discovering that the men did not pay dowry as per tradition, the magistrates, in passing judgement, dismissed the cases since there was no dowry paid and at times, advised the men to pay dowry as required by the marriage act in Zambia.
However, there are so many marriages in which men have not paid dowry and the problems manifest when the wife or husband dies and during the isambo lyamfwa discussions, (a meeting between the deceased and the bereaved families) disregard these marriages saying their daughter or son was not married to the deceased since no dowry was paid.
But what happens to someone who has been courting a woman for many years and has been sponsoring her and her family for whatever they required but he did not pay dowry?
Recently, I was at a drinking place in Ndola’s Lubuto Township where I was invited by a friend.
We were seated at a table next to where three men and three women sat.
As we were drinking and discussing, I heard a woman comment that Mr Bwalya (first name withheld) had been taught a lesson and he had learnt the hard way for failing to pay dowry for the woman he so much loved and spent a lot on.
“Bali basendela umwanakashi kumwaume umbi uwali siliasi alipila nensalamu. Lintu baumfwile ati umwanakashi balimusenda ku Lusaka na Post Bus yapa 13 hours, bali buking’a taxi no kukonka bus iyaleya  ku Lusaka,’’ commented the woman.
(“The woman was grabbed by another man who seemed serious about marriage and paid the dowry. When (Mr Bwalya) heard that his woman had been taken away to Lusaka by the man in a 13 hours Post Bus, he booked a taxi and went after the bus”).
The other five people burst out laughing.
“Ali buking’a taxi ukukonka Post Bus? (“He booked a taxi to chase the Post Bus?) One man asked.
This was interesting.
Mr Bwalya had been taught a lesson and he had learnt the hard way for failing to pay dowry for the woman he so much loved and spent a lot on! I needed to hear more.
As our beer levels were running low, I quickly walked to the counter and bought two beers – one for me and the other one for my friend.
As I got to my seat, I was on time to find that the woman had just started narrating what had happened to make Mr Bwalya book a taxi to follow the Post Bus which had taken his would-be wife.
According to her, Mr Bwalya had been going out with the woman, let’s call her Violet, for a long time and the entire woman’s family members were sad because since Mr Bwalya proposed Violet, he had not committed himself to paying dowry to show that he was going to marry her.
The woman said Mr Bwalya had been on several occasions approached by Violet’s relatives to know when he would pay dowry and get Violet, but he kept on saying he would do that sooner or later.
She narrated that Mr Bwalya was a married man and he was dilly-dallying in paying the dowry because he did not want his wife to know about this private affair.
“Because of the long time Mr Bwalya was taking in paying the dowry, one of Violet’s relatives told her that the man was not serious and he was only wasting her time.
“He advised that if there was a man who was serious in wanting to marry her, she should go for that man,” the woman explained.
She picked her big Mosi and poured the beer into the glass and took a long swig.
When she emptied the glass and put it on the table, another woman asked her whether Violet had another man and she hinted that there was a man who earlier wanted to marry Violet but her relatives fell for Mr Bwalya because he was helping them and giving them a lot of money each time they approached him.
“Violet went back to the man who earlier wanted to marry her and told him that Mr Bwalya was just wasting her time and if he was serious, he should pay dowry if he still wanted to marry her,’ explained the woman.
On hearing this, the man who had since been transferred to Lusaka by the company he was working for, quickly organised some elders who went to Violet’s relatives and paid the nsalamu and arranged for the day to collect her and go with her to Lusaka.
The woman explained that it was on a Thursday when the man from Lusaka went to Ndola and on Friday, around 11 hours, the man picked Violet and said bye-bye to her relatives because he had booked a Post Bus which was to depart from Ndola at 13 hours.
Around 12:30 hours, Mr Bwalya got home to Violet’s residence only to find the mother, uncle, sisters and her brothers home.
It was a few minutes later when he enquired about Violet’s whereabouts.
“Lintu ba  Bwalya baipwishe ukwali Violet, banyima, ba yama bakwe naba nkashi yakwe bailoleshefye. Elyo bamona ati tapali uwakwasuka, ba Bwalya balibwekeshapo ukwipusha ati limbi tabaumfwile efyo baipwishe pakubala,” (when Mr Bwalya asked the whereabouts of Violet, her mother, her uncle and her sisters just looked at each other. When he saw that no one was responding, Mr Bwalya asked again where Violet was, thinking that they had not heard him when he earlier asked,) explained, the woman.
It was at his point that Violet’s uncle decided to break the silence.
“Kwena bapongoshi, twalolela sana ukwabula imwe ukulipila insalamu. Ba Violet nabopwa kumuntu uuli siliasi. Alilipila nensalamu no kuya nabaya na Violet na Post Bus yapa 13 hours.” (Anyway my son-in-law, we have waited for too long without you paying dowry. Violet has been married to someone who is serious. He even paid dowry and they have left for Lusaka by the 13 hours Post Bus) narrated the woman.
She said on hearing this news, Mr Bwalya quickly got to his feet and checked the time on his cell phone.
It was a few minutes past 13 hours.
“Ba Bwalya baliita umulumendo no kumutuma ukuyaleta taxi. Taxi lintu yaishile balilaya ati balakonka Post Bus lintu tailafika ukutali. Balandile ati ba linokwisa lipila insalamu ngababwela” (Mr Bwalya called a young man and asked him to find a taxi. When the taxi came, he told Violet’s relatives that he was going after the Post Bus before it reaches far. He said he would come back and pay the dowry,).
The other men and the women burst out laughing wildly as the narrator of the episode got to her feet and asked others to leave.
Oh gosh. What happened then? Did Mr Bwalya find the Post Bus?
I really missed the climax of this story and I wished I could stop this woman from leaving.
If I had a bit of money with me and I could have bought more beers for these people and let the woman explain how the story ended. But where could I have started from? I wondered.
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