BORN and bred on the Copperbelt, Lazzo was quick to find out that Lusaka, the citadel of local civilisation, was a gem of a place.
Everything was here, including some of the finest women one could meet! This time round, Lazzo, a renowned cassanova in the hood, had struck a relationship with a spinster whose children lived with the grandmother far away up north.
Here she was on her own and Lazzo was in effect cohabiting as was the norm in the city. He had grown up to find out that several men at one time may support one woman in several ways and each of them not knowing what the other was up to.
It occurred to him that it was not uncommon in the city for someone to provide food, another clothing while the other paid for electricity.
Still another shouldered the sanctuary burden. But in this instance, Lazzo merely provided company and this turn of events seemed like ‘music while you work’.
Lazzo woke up to sober reality when the landlord fumed at his missus one month-end. Rent was due and had not been paid. “But I paid him some of the money meant for rent,” disclosed missus to Lazzo. “I do not know why he keeps pestering me often,” she concluded rather upset
at the turn of events.
His phone was beeping and he answered the call. “Chigubu has just rolled in from the Copperbelt and he wants to see you at the watering hole,” said a voice at the other end. “I’ll be right there then,” replied Lazzo.
When Lazzo arrived at the watering hole, he found Chigubu’s Altezza
car parked outside and he contemplated a merry-making evening as his childhood friend had a knack for celebrating life.
It was just as he had a premonition for because Chigubu was at it again splashing alcohol on patrons that formed a ring around him.
At the far end of the counter was Maria’s friend Dondo guzzling a lager as usual.
She was happy to see Lazzo, a long-time acquaintance in the hood and confidante.  Maria stretched her hand extending her heartfelt compliments of the day.
As the day unfolded, Maria opened the Pandora’s box and out oozed the grapevine that Lazzo’s missus had a secret affair with the landlord.
All this while, the landlord had been watching Lazzo with disdain because he had interfered with his relationship. Matters came to a boil after the revelation that he ranted at the landlord.
“Your attitude over rent disgusts me and now I have reached a stage where I will demand that you should come to me to ask for rent and not my missus!”
The landlord was infuriated and retorted: “This is my property and you have no right to direct me on what to do with it!”
Lazzo thought for a while and warned the landlord that he would report him to tax authorities for tax evasion. As far as he was concerned, the landlord did not remit tax due on his property to the State.
At this point, the landlord was alarmed and decided to walk away in anger. But speculation caught up with him as his fear of tax evasion was so great that he withdrew the threat of changing the locks to the house as a way of eviction!
It then dawned on Lazzo that he had stirred the hornet’s nest by sticking to Maria who he had come to love fervently. It was in fact the talk of the neighbourhood!
But Maria was also some other fish to fry because she was a flirt who did not mind staying on late into the night imbibing with male patrons at the watering hole.
Then Lazzo began to think about destiny. Was he destined to run into the tracks of wayward women?
Every time he fancied a woman she would turn out to be some kind of infidel who cared less about his feelings.
At one point, Lazzo was enraged by a radical feminist at the watering hole who charged that if he wanted a straight woman, he had better start by making himself morally impeccable.
“Just look at the one who is talking about morality!” protested an inebriated reveller at the far end of the counter who seemed unhappy at deflated male chauvinistic ego!
In his opinion, it was hypocritical rhetoric coming from an irate woman who also did not exhibit exemplary morality by hanging around with male drinkers late into the night!
Maria had told Lazzo that she had spoken to her parents and they were ready to offer them as a couple sanctuary in the interim when the lodging problem persisted.
Lazzo found himself in the complex web of the in-law etiquette of talking from behind a partially open door while answering Maria’s mother!
One had to follow the traditional norms of not being heard too much but on cloud nine, he could be heard singing as he headed home!
Sometimes, he would cough into a pillow in a quest to maintain privacy!
It was Maria who taught him this trick and how to sneak into the house unnoticed – all in the name of tradition.
Maria cautioned him to act like he was non-existent as that was a mark of reverence for her parents.
It did not take long before Lazzo realised that one way of getting by was by befriending ‘female landlords.’ Maria was the second woman in whose dwelling he had found bliss!
He was also amused by the observation that women like Maria used tenancy as a bargaining tool. Lazzo was at the mercy of this woman and this factor made him feel gullible but somehow, he brushed the guilt aside.
He recalled a local proverb that postulated: ‘When walking in the bush, do not pay attention to rattling sounds from dry leaves and grass’.
This implied if too much attention was paid to strange sounds while trudged along in the forest, they would get afraid and unable to proceed bravely.
But it seemed he took everything for granted while neighbourhood gossiped about his continued stay at a woman’s ‘bond’.
‘Bond’ in the hood meant house but somewhere along life’s travels, Lazzo had learnt that bricklayers were taught about the ‘English bond’. It was in fact a brick-wall corner!