IN most cultures, it is generally believed that husbands should be older than their wives and this has been an acceptable norm throughout history.
This belief is somehow Biblically backed with the account of how God created man first before creating a woman.
While the Bible does not give the exact age-gap between husband and wife, in the Book of Genesis 17:17, the Bible states that Abraham was 10 years older than Sarah his wife.
Despite the belief that a man should be older than his wife, in the last few decades, there is a growing trend for older women nowadays who get married to men several years younger than them, all for various reasons.
Now more women are marrying younger men and the question that begs an answer is, does age really matter in a marriage relationship?
It is very possible that an older woman dating a younger man can have a lasting relationship and live happily ever after but more often than not, this is usually not the case.
In Zambia and Africa in general, many relationships where the woman is older than the man are considered a taboo.
Despite the belief that love transcends all odds and rejections, it is necessary for such couples to count their cost in choosing such marriages.
Our societies which are heavily westernised are challenging old beliefs and customs as evidenced by the growing number of women dating and marrying younger men.
Some older women are now dating ‘boys’ who are in the same age group with their grandchildren or their sons which in the past was considered a taboo.
Most boys are entering into these relationships for economic or material gain since they are being lured by older women with money.
While it might be true that women are like wine and the older they get, the more interesting they become there is need for caution.
According to relationship experts, some women entering such relationships claim that younger men are sexually desirable while sexual confidence of older ladies is a huge turn-on for the young men so that the relationship turns out to be mutually satisfying.
“I once dated an older woman, she was so generous but each time I collected her money I felt like a thief because I never loved her though I always told her that I loved her. She wants me and I want her money, but not her,” one man said on account of anonymity.
Apart from rejection from society, there is a danger in such a marriage where wives are older than their husbands because sooner or later, their age difference becomes an issue.
While these relationships may be appealing to some people, the question is, how sustainable are they in the long run especially in the face of different generations?
Marriage is about companionship and it is unlikely that such couples will share the same kind of interests and pursuits and this will cause problems in their union.
The younger man can never be free with his older wife so everything he does is artificial and not natural and he cannot present her as his lover but always as his auntie or some other name reserved for senior citizens.
Relationship experts say that sexual attraction can do only so much to keep a couple together  for long term purposes and the couple should be compatible ,share common values, life goals and enjoy the same kind of social activities.
Another concern is that as they grow older, these women are also not likely to continue to have the same hold on their younger men who may be just getting into the prime of their lives.
It will be increasingly difficult for such partners to deal with feelings of insecurity, jealousy and possessiveness that such a wide age gap is bound to entail.
In the end, issues of Gender Based Violence (GBV) will arise.
Younger men may also still desire to have children while the older women might have been done with child bearing and in fact have children of their own from the earlier relationships.
This will be difficult for the couple to reconcile and they will experience challenges in life.
Children from the women’s previous relationship will also fail to accept their mother’s young partner.
Additionally, according to experts, an older woman is a challenge for a younger man because not only is she at her most confident, but she has everything in place while the younger man is just starting out in life.
Other issues that affect such unions are that the older women will experience some insecurities or anxiety about whether the younger man will stray.
Some women in these relationships also feel that they are more in charge of the relationship than the man.
Insecurity about aging will affect the relationship and divorce cases in such relationships abound.
Sven Drefahl of the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research says couples with younger husbands violate social norms and thus suffer from social sanctions.
“Since marrying a younger husband deviates from what is regarded as normal, these couples could be regarded as outsiders and receive less social support. This could result in a less joyful and more stressful life, reduced health, and finally, increased mortality,” he says.
Other experts agree saying that marriages in which the wife is older than her husband are more likely to be troubled and the age difference doesn’t have to be all that big.
“In fact, couples in which the wife is five years older are three times more likely to divorce than couples of the same age,” researchers say.
Young men who are usually financially broke and struggle to live better do not pay much attention to issues of love as they are distracted and feel shy about the financial demands that come with intimate relationships so they fall for older women.
After toiling hard, they bounce back in their early forties as they have accumulated enough wealth, and now it is their time to reap the arrears of the lost glory, now that they have cash, a better paying job, business and are educated.
They will go for young females in order to compensate for the painful experience they went through, as they could not afford to hook one.
A woman who marries a younger man, will soon look older than him, and may not be attracted to him anymore.
Additionally, the woman will need to put more efforts to be able to meet the sexual needs of her husband.
Research has shown that men want sex three times more than women.
According to a recent medical research, such relationships between older women and younger men will increase the mortality rate of the women involved because if the woman does not meet her husband’s sexual needs due to her age, she may have to share him with a younger lady somewhere.
Additionally, it is felt that some people feel older women may not be as romantic as young women.
In such relationships, older women also find it hard to submit to their younger husbands and willingly accept the headship of the younger man.
It is difficult for her not to act as his mother or sister, but a wife and this can also lead to GBV in the home.
There is no doubt, every marriage has its own challenges and monsters to conquer but going into such a marriage requires extra caution because age definitely has a significant role to play in making marriage work.
Love can surpass all inadequacies and such marriages can still work in spite of the vast age differences, but much effort is needed.
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