NINETY per cent of married women in contemporary Zambia feel that kneeling down for their husbands to convey greetings or serve them with food is an outdated practice that belongs to the 1900s.
To them, kneeling before a husband is a stone age or middle age practice which needs to be deleted from our traditions.
From time immemorial, women knelt down for their husbands to show submission and gratitude to them but this practice is almost dying away.
However, a few women still feel that a woman owes her husband the same loyalty a subject owes his king and that it is just tradition which should be followed.
According to the African set up, kneeling before your husband defines submission. Marriage is about understanding and compromise. It is no secret that both partners must have their needs met, in order to feel satisfied within their union.
Rachel Held Evans, who describes herself as a Christian Evangelist and feminist woman, agreed to call her husband “master” in order to gain a better understanding of other women who had decided upon a more “traditional” route in their marriages, which included a subservient role to their husbands.
This was according to Ephesians 5:22 which reads, “Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord.”
Ms Evans pointed out that sustaining a Christian marriage revolves around the idea that women should submit to their husbands.
She explained that submission is a two-way thing.
“The thing is, I am not opposed to submission in marriage. When you put your spouse’s needs before your own and when you try to ask yourself ‘what does my spouse enjoy and and what would make him happy. There’s nothing wrong with doing that,” she said adding that, “team effort, I think that is a better recipe for a happy marriage, when both partners are thinking about how to honour and serve the other person.”
In a marriage relationship, it is important to maintain one’s own individual identity and culture.
As experts say, “we flourish when we are ourselves and we encourage our spouses to be themselves. The key for us is just to try and celebrate one another for who we are and not try to cram ourselves into a mould that doesn’t fit. We are happiest when we are just being ourselves and doing what comes naturally.”
The truth, however, is that human beings are different and one man’s cup of tea is another man’s poison. If a wife kneels before her husband and she sees nothing wrong with it, then that is fine.
But some women see kneeling for their husbands as demeaning.
“If I have an understanding husband, I would gladly not kneel except when I want to blackmail him into forgiving me then I would kneel and do all the things needed but that would not be me,” Lizzy Nkolola said.
There is nothing wrong with kneeling before your husband and that is why it is very important for couples to know and understand each other before getting married.
It is better to marry someone who has a similar way of thinking like you. If you marry a typical traditionalist, someone who is so deeply entrenched in the African culture which involves kneeling before him and you decide to do otherwise, definitely that will cause trouble which might even lead to Gender Based Violence(GBV).
Some husbands, however, feel that a hug and a kiss are sufficient to show love and appreciation to them as opposed to kneeling. They believe that a wife can show respect without necessarily having to kneel down.
“There is nothing wrong with a woman kneeling especially if she is kneeling before a good husband. The truth is that you and your husband are not equal. He is above you so kneeling down brings a woman back to her senses because women most times forget the laid down principles in marriage, especially when they start making good money,” Fortune Mulongo of Lusaka observed.
But a Lusaka woman argues that she does not believe that her husband has got power over her or that the two of them are unequal.
“My husband and I are equal unless he does not love me. That is why we are partners. Kneeling down does not mean I will stay faithful to him, neither is it a signal to show that l love him, this is just old school,” she said.
Dickson Monde pointed out  that “no man can force you to kneel if you don’t want to, but a lot of women who were brought up in such cultures voluntarily do that sometimes. While it is not mandatory to kneel but definitely it is a show of respect, whether it comes truly from the heart or not is a different issue.”
Other people interviewed felt that kneeling before a man does not make the wife inferior in any way because if he is going to belittle his wife, he is going to do it whether she kneels or not. Respect brings about respect, and if anything even husbands sometimes also kneel before their wives for various reasons
“If a woman truly loves her husband, she will have no reason failing to kneel before him. Only arrogant women do not, If she cannot kneel down, it shows that she cannot beg you for forgiveness when she is wrong. You don’t want to marry a person, who cannot say I am sorry when they are wrong. Arrogant people are the worst people to get married to,” Mr Monde said.
“Daily I cry for this generation, every good thing has become old school and no longer in fashion. A wife is never equal to her husband, neither is she a slave. She is a queen while the husband is the king.
‘’I am a man and I saw my mother doing it once in a while and will be happy to see my wife do it to me once in a while too. Kneeling has a way of melting a man’s heart. Most marriages are crashing nowadays because of these little things that matter the most,” he said.
If it is part of the woman’s culture to kneel then it is right and proper. Most women nowadays lack the proper attitude towards their husbands. When a woman shows respect to her husband, it creates a strong bond between them and allows God’s blessings to fall on the family.
Regardless of the level of education and civilisation, people should always remember that we have our traditions. Kneeling is a sign of respect which is the way to go and that’s how we were brought up. It is just like shaking hands so there is no need to deny our roots.
“A woman that kneels down to give me food or welcome me home will always win my heart, I saw how my mother treated my father and he respected her and could not make any decision without her,” Moombe Malumbe said.
As 1 Timothy 2:11 says, “ Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve.”
A Woman kneeling down for her husband is just a test of her humility and submission, the same way men open car doors for women. Modernity has continued to mislead society today but a word of advice to the Zambian women and girls is that no matter their levels of education and status in society, our men are primitive at heart and love these traditional things no matter what they claim.
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