COUPLES are usually blamed for the differences that occur in their homes.
Some of the differences are so trivial, but they make the couples lead the cat-and-dog kind of life.
In many instances, misunderstandings between husbands and wives are caused by their children.
There are some problems which are caused by children who share both fathers and mothers as biological parents but are easily solved.
It is quite difficult to solve certain problems which are caused by children who are born from different parents and more often than not, they lead to couples divorcing.
For instance, if a woman who had a child or children from outside wedlock got married to a man who had a child or children outside wedlock, both the woman and man are supposed to agree to look and take care of the children they found with each other.
Indeed, there are many times when women with a number of children are divorced and get married to men who also had children from their previous marriages and the couples raised their children together up to the time they became adults and got married.
These children, albeit with different fathers and mothers, consider themselves as siblings and they treat themselves with love and respect.
However, it becomes absurd when the children born from different parents who got married and the children started dating themselves resulting in pregnancies.
On Easter Sunday, I was in Chipulukusu Township in Ndola where I had gone to see someone I was dealing with in some business ventures.
We had gone to a house where the man was organising some river sand to use for block making when suddenly we heard some noise coming from the house.
“Umwana nga akafyalwe kumwanakashi wapela ifumo ukamwishiba weka Musebanya sana owo wapanga,” (once the child is born from the woman you have impregnated, you will know it by yourself. What you have done is very embarrassing,) yelled the woman’s voice.
“Ee, teti mwinike nangu lishinalyenu nga akaba umwanakashi,” (Yes, I won’t even name her after you if it will be a girl) replied the man’s voice.
The noise was growing louder and I thought there would be a punch up in that house, but luckily, a young man who was about 18 years  old stormed out of the house.
A woman in her 30s also got out of the house, wagging a finger at the young man.
What could have been the fracas about? I wondered.
The woman looked very furious; you could see bids of sweat forming on her face.
One of the men I was with and who knew the woman asked what the problem was.
The woman cleared her throat and shook her head disappointedly.
“Uyu mwana wandi ishiku apangile likulu sana. Chamusebanya sana,” (The taboo this son of mine has caused is a big one. It is very embarrassing,) said the woman.
As an eavesdropper, I knew something was coming for my ears and I was eager to know what it was.
Then the woman drew closer to where we were standing.
“Uyu mwana wandi uwo nafyele ninshi nshilaupwa. Aleulungangana no mwana wabalume abangupile amupela ne fumo. Ninkanshi yakwe ulya.”
(This is my son whom I bore before I got married. He was flirting with the daughter of the man who married me until she got pregnant. That is his sister,) lamented the woman.
The man looked at the young man and shook his head. He asked the young man why he behaved like that, but the young man could not say anything.
Then the woman started explaining that because of what had happened between her son and her husband’s daughter, the situation at home had become so sour between herself and her husband.
“Every time my husband comes home, especially when he is drunk, he complains about my son. He asks me whether our marriage would be normal after what my son and his daughter had done,” complained the woman.
As she was saying this, the old woman who had been quietly listening to this decided to chip in.
“Wila ilishyanya nokupela umwana obe umwaume umulandu. Umwanakashi ecipuba pantu nga alikene nangu nga alisosa kuli iwe nangu kuli ba wishi pantu ewakwata kiyi. Elyo futi umwanakashi mukalamba pa mwaume elyo alikwatapo no mwana,” (Don’t complain and blame your son. The girl was a fool because she should have refused or she should have reported to you or her father because she holds the key. In fact, the woman is older than the man and she has a child from another man), the old woman I came to know was the grand mother of the young man and the mother to the woman said.
Although the woman seemed to have agreed with her mother, she complained that her marriage was on the rocks because of this.
The old woman told her that if her husband decided to divorce her because of this, so be it since there was nothing she could do about it.
The other man I had gone to visit then added his voice to the subject:” Ala iwe mwaice uli cipuba sana. Tawaishibe ukuti umukashana waleulungana nankwe ninkanshi yobe?” (Hey, you young man are a big fool. Didn’t you know that the girl you were flirting with was your sister?) said the man.
Despite the confusion he had allegedly caused, the young man did not seem concerned with all what was being said.
His mother looked at him angrily and commented that it would be better if the baby in the womb wasn’t born alive.
On hearing this, the woman’s mother told her that what she was saying was unacceptable.
“Teti ulandefyo. Ubo buloshi. Umwana ali mwifumo tafishibe fyo,” (You can’t say that. You are acting like a witch the baby in the womb doesn’t know anything about that), said the old woman who appeared to be so sympathetic with the young man.
The mother of the young man walked back into the house and that was the end of the scuffle.
We left this place and as we were walking to the bus stop where I was to catch a mini bus to town, I was wondering why such things were happening in our communities and societies.
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