AFTER incessant knocking and getting no answer, Lazzo retreated to a nearby watering hole and decided to imbibe his favourite illicit brew.
He decided to buy what the patronage knew as a ‘bomb’.  This one was not a detonating vessel but a large bottle of illicit gin popularly referred to as ‘Kachasu’.
Over time, it  had become his favourite drink as it knocked him out very quickly owing to its being highly potent.
Even at work as a security guard once, he usually hid a small bottle that he bought whilst reporting for work in the night shift and took nocturnal sips an hour after midnight.
Sometimes, he would fall asleep in his watch post by the gigantic gate which he occasionally opened only when a truck rang its horn outside.
Today, he had decided to drink by the doorstep of his house until dawn.
His missus was inside with a stranger and this was a strategy to catch her red-handed.
Used to sleeping whilst seated, Lazzo had no problem adjusting to the circumstances
As soon as it struck dawn metal bars were being removed prior to opening the door as Lazzo braced for action.
As soon as his rival took the first step ready to go outside, Lazzo sprang at him like a leopard and held him in a looping grip with both hands.
But the man was struggling to move out of the clutch and in the ensuing commotion the pair moved to the edges of the dusty road.
By coincidence, a passing motorist stopped to watch the duel as Lazzo in a yelling tone asked if that was a cab.
The driver answered in the affirmative and Lazzo promptly pushed his victim towards the car as the driver opened the back seat door.
Lazzo promptly slided on  the backseat whilst holding his rival who followed suit as the two were still locked in gripping contest.
The driver slammed the door as he moved the gear lever to start the motion as Lazzo gave him instructions to drive straight to the police post in the hood.
Lazzo was still holding his victim whom he dragged towards the police post entrance.
Whilst inside, Lazzo let go of him and announced to the cops that he had brought a criminal for their attention.
“I brought this man here because he spent a night with my wife while I spent the night outside my house,” explained Lazzo as the cop on duty moved his occurance book closer to begin his recording routine.
Meanwhile, another cop pushed the erring womaniser into the cells.
Then Lazzo was asked where his woman was and said she had been left home as he struggled with her lover.
The taximan was still waiting for his payment when Lazzo was told to also bring the woman.
There was another round trip as the car raced back to Lazzo’s home to pick his wife who was still at home in a remoarseful mood..
Lazzo ordered her to surrender the upkeep money which would now be used to book the car.
She timidly entered the police post as Lazzo dismissed the cab driver after paying him.
“Iwe, ugona namwamuna wina munyumba bamuna bako?”, (You sleep with another man in your husband’s house?) asked a cop in a rebuking tone.
“This man goes away and does not come home often,” she blurted her out of context answer.
“Are you normal?  Do you sleep with another man because your husband is away?,” she was bombarded by a staccato of questions which she could not answer instantly as she was blatantly in the wrong.
Lazzo was advised that he should take the matter to court and meanwhile both erring partners would be locked up released only after paying admission of guilt fines.
But Lazzo did not issue any summons to his wife but decided to end it out of court.
Over time, his estranged missus was lodging at a spinister friend’s house where she brewed Kachasu.
She had become the talk of the hood as she woed numerous imbibers to her joint.
Sometimes Lazzo would go there to while away at dusk as he took his sips whilst rolling tobacco in pieces of discarded newspaper.
It transpired that his two teenage daughters were sleeping in the living room when the intruder entered Lazzo’s bedroom.
They could not open the door nor answer when the mother was inside.
However when she left her matrimonial home, she only picked her clothes but  left the bulk of other goods.
At the watering hole, many patrons thought Lazzo was lucky this happened as it was common for women to plunder household goods which one woman described as ‘her only pension’.
Lazzo had been taught a bitter lesson after all this time when  he had long left employment but thrived on selling wooden sieves and cooking sticks as a businessman.
He filled a miniature cup of illicit brew and gulped the contents in an instant as he reflected on the fateful night with missus.
Too much water had passed under the bridge but there were no indications that he would consider remarrying.
Sometimes at the watering hole he was urged by his acquaintances to find a partner.
But deep down inside, he regarded such sentiments as simply absurd in his thinking as he would occasionally flirt with Maria.
His teenage daughters would fill in the gap left by missus regarding household chores.
While the going was good, he was remiscing as the ‘pick-me-up’ effect was gradually taking effect.
His imbibing group was growing as the latest patron arrived promising another round of illicit brew.
It was strange but sometimes Lazzo chuckled to himself when he recalls the informal reference to illicit drink as ‘amai kuseli’ (madam, we are behind the house)…
This was a euphemism coined by patrons which sometimes was made long by an additive:’change ni fwaka’ (As for change, give us loose cigarettes).
Lazzo filled another gulping quantity from the half-filled large bottle as he handed the miniature cup to his drinking mate…