Dear Josephine
I am a 27-year-old woman who got married recently.
My husband is loving and caring. However, to be frank, I can’t compare the tedious and routine marriage life to the freedom I enjoyed when I was single. Then I used to party and I could go out with friends and have a good time.
Now the tag of ‘Mrs’ means there are so many things I can’t do. Is this what marriage is all about? Confining you to one man.
Mrs K
Ndola
Dear Mrs K
You are a disgrace to marriage and it is time you grew up to accept your marital responsibilities. There are so many women out there who want to get married but they have not found a ‘Mr Right.’ Here you are cheapening such an important institution which you feel is boring. Can you compare partying or even sleeping around with the sanctity of marriage? I am afraid you need a lot of counselling.

My husband says I’m a villager

Dear Josephine
I stopped school in form two when I got pregnant and had to discontinue school. Fortunately, the man who impregnated me married me. We have since raised a family with four lovely children. The only problem is my husband who later obtained degrees abroad looks down on me. He rarely takes me out to functions like cocktail parties saying I embarrass him in public since I am not as sophiscated as he would like me to be. He reprimands me for any small thing I do like how to dress for a ball, where to put a fork at a dinner table and other small silly things. It is getting on my nerves and I feel he is being cruel. What should I do?
Bina Mhone
Lusaka
Dear Bina Mhone
Your husband is not being fair to you especially the fact that he is the one who led to your discontinuing school. If he wants you to be at home in the ‘high’ classes he takes you out to, why can’t he teach you how to behave in public? I have attended several social functions and I have met men who take their little educated wives whom they are not ashamed of. Your husband is just an incorrigible snob.

How did she suddenly
learn how to love?

I have been married to this woman for some years and my complaint has always been her poor love-making. Though we have four children, she was until recently bad in bed since she just slept without doing much during the act.
Last month, she went to visit her relatives in Chililabombwe. When she came back, she was sexually a changed woman who craved for sex and made wild love that left me emaciated. She initiated different styles and complained when I got tired since I could not match with her passionate love-making. I questioned her where she had learnt to make love all of a sudden. She laughed at me and asked me where I had learnt to make love myself. Did she sleep with another man? What should I do?
George C
Lusaka
Dear George C
Lol! I feel for you since you cannot match with your wife’s wild and passionate love-making. However, don’t jump into conclusion that she slept with another man. It could be she felt hurt whenever you complained about her poor love-making. Now she has perfected her art by outdoing you at your own game. You have no choice my brother but to live up to her expectation just like you earlier expected her to do.

My mother-in-law     gives me ‘green light’

Dear Josephine
Please help but don’t blame me. I am a 35-year-old man married to this beautiful woman who has been wonderful to me. The only problem is that last year her mother came to live with us in the same house.
My in-law is in her mid-sixties but still looks stunningly beautiful. Whenever my wife is not around she opens up to me and does not treat me like her son-in-law. Last week when my wife was out for a workshop, we drank wine together and she showed a lot of green light or advances. The temptation to take her to bed is maddening. What should I do?
Luke B
Kabwe
Dear Luke B
This is a common sense issue. You don’t even need to ask me if what you want to do is right or wrong. Resist all temptations to sleep with your mother-in-law which is wrong in all cultures that I know. You can do this by first avoiding being alone with her – which is expected for your kind of relationship since she is bapongoshi. Already you have crossed the line by drinking liquor with her. Before one thing leads to another until you sleep with her, it is high time you should keep a distance.
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