I behave very foolishly and hate myself right now. Two months ago I dumped my girlfriend in a feat of anger.
I now realise that I’ve made the worst mistake of my life. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
She has a great body and our sex life was phenomenal. Often we would stay in bed for entire weekends simply making love over and over again.
Now she won’t take my calls and I am in despair. Everything spiralled out of control two weeks ago. I was having a really difficult time at work.
I realise that I had made a complete mess of myself. I let my temper get the better of me. How do I convince her that I want to try again?
BILL
Lusaka
DEAR Bill
I hate to say it, but I think you have to accept that you have blown it (Big time) to use your language.
If you harass your ex-girlfriend again, by turning up at her home or sending her texts or emails, then I am in no doubt that she, or one of her circle, will carry out their threat and call the police.
Now the relationship is over and you realise your mistake but it’s all too little, too late. I accept that you were under pressure, but that’s no excuse.
I suspect that you frightened and confused your girl on that fateful day. She witnessed a different side to you – one that she didn’t like.
Learn from this. I don’t wish to build your hopes up, but it could be that she comes back to you once she’s calmed down and thought this through.
You have to wait for her to do that – you can’t make any more approaches. But don’t waste your life waiting forever.

‘I can’t descide which of three lovers’

I can’t decide which one of my three lovers I want to be with.
During a period of three years, I have had sex with three men – and now they all want to own me.
During this period I’ve been seeing all of them again individually and I’m feeling under terrible pressure to choose one and commit. The problem is that I don’t know which of these men to go for.
They’re all good, but in different ways. One is very rich, but not much good in bed. He takes me to posh places and buys me expensive wines and anything I need.
The second is a sensitive and caring lover, although poor and rather devoted to his mother. The third is a bad boy. He’s very good-looking and makes me laugh, but he has a good side to his character.
I now want to settle down with one man. What should I do?
Monica C
Mufulira
Dear Monica C
Clearly you’re something of a catch and a lot of guys find you attractive, but you can’t continue to play around because these are people’s lives and emotions you’re dealing with.
Maybe you are worried about causing hurt, embarrassment or even anger, but you’ve got to start being true to yourself. The truth is that none of these men is right for you. Whether they’re tricky or troubled or hopeless in bed, not one of them stands out as “The One”. Be strong.
Tell each one in turn that you’ve had a wild time, but now the party is over. You’re sorry if you’ve built up their hopes or given the wrong impression, but you are in no position to commit to anyone right now.
Tell them “goodbye” and ask them to get on with their own lives, while you get on with yours.
What you have to learn from all of this is that you can’t play with people’s feelings. Having sex with a bunch of strangers during a wild weekend may have seemed like a hilarious idea.
But with sex comes responsibility. Your lovers have quickly formed an emotional attachment to you and that is what often happens when we become intimate with somebody.

‘My girlfriend is sex-obsessed’

MY girlfriend takes sex very seriously. It’s all she really talks about.
I joke that she’s got “sex on the brain” and she doesn’t contradict me. She is a woman with a hell of an appetite. What should I do?
Peter
Lusaka
Dear Peter
You’ve got to start being honest. If a situation doesn’t seem right, if you’re forcing your enthusiasm for extreme sex, then you’re not being true to yourself or fair on your girlfriend.
Level with her away from the bedroom. Explain that you’re no stud or some porno star, and that you’re certainly not judging her, but her tastes aren’t the same as yours.
Give yourself a break and then start to look for a new relationship where you’re not intimidated.

‘My wife is ruining my life’

MY estranged wife says she hates me, but she won’t let me leave her.
I’ve consulted a lawyer regarding a divorce but she’s making it difficult and I know with children involved it will even be trickier. She’s been physically and verbally abusive towards me for years, always telling me that I’m useless and she despises me. Yet she’s furious that I’m going.
She’s gone through every tactic – from pleading to threatening to smash the place up – in an effort to make me stay.
Now she’s at the nasty stage and is threatening to contact everyone we know – from my parents to my oldest friends – to tell them what a “hypocrite and a fool” I am.
Unfortunately, I made the mistake of having a brief affair with a female colleague in 2012, which I’ve managed to keep under wraps.
Now I’m terrified that my angry wife is going to expose me and ruin my life. She knows I’m sorry for what I did and I’ve paid a heavy price, but I can’t stand to stay with her for a minute longer.
Mr JK
Lusaka
Dear Mr JK
You can’t stay in a loveless marriage. There was obviously a reason why you fell into the arms of another woman in 2012.
I’m by no means excusing your behaviour then, but I suspect you were desperate for love and affection. Call your wife’s bluff by telling her to go ahead and say anything she likes, because it really doesn’t matter any more.
Be strong and don’t allow her to bring you down. Once you’re on your own, then your life will start again. -Send queries to tellmejosephine@gmail.com