LIFE is sweet for all of us and we would love to cling to it except perhaps for those who commit suicide.
But while we would love to cling to life for as long as possible, it is prudent for us to refrain from involving ourselves in things which would possibly lead us to our untimely demise if we are not careful.
There are many things which may result in many people losing their dear life especially when they do wrong things which may annoy others and force them to kill them such as when they steal from them, when they commit adultery with other people’s wives or husbands, telling lies, drinking heavily and driving dangerously, to mention just a few.
When we do these things, we know for sure the end results. However, there are other things we may not knowingly do but lead us to death and our relatives and friends would hold funerals for our being deceased.
But it is strange to hear that someone was holding a funeral for himself because death was at hand after he had done something which would surely take his life.
Recently, I was at one of the drinking places in Ndola’s Chifubu Township and while having some drinks with friends, there walked in a young man in his late teens or early 20s who was well-known and liked by many patrons in this premises.
As the young man walked around the place, a man who was drinking in the same place turned to his friend while pointing at the young man and said: ”Ulya umwaicice aliitekela icililo inshiku shibili” (that young man held his own funeral for two days).
Holding a funeral for oneself for two days! What did this mean.
As an eavesdropper, I thought there was something strange about this and I was eager to know what that was.
I looked at the young man who allegedly held his own funeral as he walked to the counter and asked for a Coca-Cola from another man who was seated on a stool by the counter.
As I was looking at the young man, the man who started the story continued:”The young man was very depressed for two days and he only became himself after realising that he was not dying after all. Not now.”
This was some kind of a jig-saw puzzle. Why the young man was depressed and only became himself after realising that he was not dying?
Like me,the friend he was telling the story was also puzzled and asked his friend what he meant by the young man holding his own funeral for two days.
It was then that the man started explaining what had happened to the young man being talked about.
According to the narrator, the young man had held a funeral for himself after eating a samoosa (some kind of snack stuffed with mince meat and spiced with onions and potatoes) which was said to be laced with rogor (poison) meant to kill rats which had infested the restaurant.
“Why did he do that? Was he attempting suicide?” the other man asked his friend.
Since I was interested to hear more of this as an eavesdropper, I drew myself closer to the two men but pretended not to be listening to their conversation.
Then the narrator picked his beer bottle and had a swig. When he put the beer on the table, he cleared his throat and explained why the young man held a funeral for himself.
What happened was this: The man narrating the story happened to be in a restaurant where there were other people having drinks and snacks.
On the table next to him was seated a woman who had some sausages and a samoosa.
Apparently, the woman walked to the counter and briefly spent some time there. When she went to the counter, she had eaten the sausage, but she had left the samoosa.
“When the woman came back to her table, she found that the samoosa had disappeared. I was seated near her table and I saw that young man pick the samoosa which I thought was a left-over and ate it,” said the man.
He said the woman complained that she had left the samoosa and asked him whether he had seen who had taken it.
“Certainly, she did not suspect that I could have eaten her samoosa, but I know she knew I saw who had taken her snack and she wanted me to tell her. That young man was behind my table busy eating the samoosa when the woman was asking me, but I told her that I did not pay attention and I did not see who had taken the snack,” explained the man.
He said the woman then loudly said she had left the samoosa and advised whoever had taken it not to eat it because she had applied rogor to it to kill rats.
“If it is the rats that have eaten the samoosa it is okey because they will die just now, but if someone has picked it, please don’t eat because I have applied rogor to it and you will die if you eat,” the woman sounded the warning, explained the man.
However, the warning came a wee too late because the young man had already eaten the samoosa.
On hearing this announcement, the young man started sweating and tears started welling on his cheeks.
“The young man got to his feet and went outside crying. I followed him and asked why he was crying but could not say apart from telling me that if he died that day, I knew who had killed him and I should inform his parents who were my neighbours,” narrated the man.
He said the young man was fond of roaming about in bars and taverns begging and stealing.
The man said after the woman had left the restaurant, the young man asked him whether he knew where the woman was staying and the man told the young man that he had seen the woman for the first time in the restaurant.
“I asked him what that woman had done to him and why was he crying but he could not reveal that he had eaten the samoosa which the woman said she had laced with poison although I had seen him,’’ he said.
Then the young man started choking himself with his finger so that he could vomit, but nothing came out.
He walked back to the restaurant and bought himself a packet of fresh milk obviously to catalyse the poison.
When the young man went back home, he spent the whole night crying.
In the morning, the man said he saw the young man seated on the verandah with a packet of fresh milk looking very dejected as if there was a funeral taking place at the house.
“It was only after three or four days when the young man started showing signs of liveliness because days had passed without him dying from alleged food poisoning,” explained the man.
After the man finished talking, I saw the young man enjoying his Coca-Cola. In my mind’s eye, I could see and hear how the young man was praying for his dear life.
He had really been psychologically punished by that woman he had stolen a samoosa from. I am sure that was the last time he had eaten food left by people he did not know. That lesson was worthwhile.
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