By JOYCE JERE  – “I AM getting married in December so I have included you in my kitchen party committee, first meeting is this Sunday and my budget is K30,000,” read a text message on my phone.
“Ok, congratulations but I will not be available this Sunday as I will be going out of town for work,” I responded.
Two weeks later, I received another text message with an update on the kitchen party proceedings which read: “It was agreed that the committee for friends and workmates would pay K1,000 as contribution towards the kitchen party.”
I asked my workmate how much she and her husband to-be had set aside for the same, she just laughed.
Immediately my interest shifted to know how many people were in this committee and how many committees this kitchen party was going to have.
I learnt that my workmate had organised three committees – the groom’s relatives, her relatives and her friends and workmates.
The groom’s relatives and her relatives were to pay anything between K500 and K1,000 or more depending on their generosity and each committee had not less than 15 people.
Being the analyst that I am, I did my math and figured these committees were literally paying for this kitchen party. My workmate is smart!
But, really, all I can think of is the small dressing table in my bedroom where there are about five cards from close and not-so-close friends with the same request — an appeal for a contribution to a kitchen party.
This kitchen party “contribution” has become part of Zambian culture. Kitchen parties are a big thing — not just families function as in some other countries but, rather, a community event.
Relatives, friends, neighbours and colleagues are invited to be part of it, but not just by attending but also by giving generous financial assistance.
Like most things, it starts at the family level, where all the traditional processes such as dowry payments take place. It is the family that sets the kitchen party date — and the budget.
Every weekend, relatives and close friends who form these committees meet to see how much they have collected and how the preparations are proceeding.
As the kitchen party day gets closer, the committee reminds contributors of their promises by sending texts, or visiting them in their homes, to make sure they cough up. “As a close dear friend and relative, you are reminded to submit your contribution to fulfill the preparation of my function. God bless you!” is the sort of text message that arrives on my phone.
But it’s not just for the kitchen party that contributions are expected. As a committee member you have to spend on committee attire. It appears invited guests do not get into the kitchen party for free either, they must arrive with a kitchen gift to help stock the bride and groom’s new home.
There is nothing wrong with a close friend or relative planning a marriage asking for a contribution towards their kitchen party.
But I think it is unfair and sad how people expect everyone to make a contribution towards their kitchen party even people who are not close to them.
The most shocking thing is that people are even making a budget on contributions. If there is no money, why would you be having a kitchen party?
The transformation of the kitchen party from the original concept has now placed society at the mercy of some brides to be and their families.
I am not saying that a bride to-be should not have a kitchen party. Let her have it if she can afford it but to place the financial burden that accompanies a kitchen party on the shoulders of those with whom one is not even related to calls for a lot of reconsidering.
The sad part is that mothers are at the core of this activity, which is slowly becoming a scourge in our society.
Girls and young women should be taught the essence of hard work. They should be taught how to manage their finances so that from such an early beginning, they are able to save for their kitchen party.
It is not an offence to get into a marriage without a kitchen party. After all, it is not a kitchen party that determines the success of a marriage, but how the two people who are married conduct themselves in their marriage.