DEAR Josephine
MY husband died in a car accident last year. After burial, her relatives and some of my superstitious relatives demanded that I should be cleansed of his ‘ghost’. I refused since I am a Christian who feels such practices are against my faith.
To my surprise, of late I have been dreaming of my husband almost on a weekly basis. The other time, the dream felt so real that I could hear him snoring next to me. I woke up screaming. I now sleep with lights on. What should I do?
Mrs K
Lusaka

Dear Mrs K
If you are a Christian, you should know by now what the Bible says in Ecclesiastes 9:5 which says: For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing; they have no further reward, and even their name is forgotten.
The beings that imitate the living are demons, who were once angels before they rebelled with the devil and cast on earth. The dreams you are having are being initiated by the devil. I would suggest you consult a clergyman to pray for you.

My adored dad lied to me
Dear Josephine
My parents divorced when I was 10. We were living in Mkushi then. I chose to live with my dad as I worshipped him, and my mum was heart-broken about my move. My dad told me the divorce was my mum’s fault as she had cheated on him; I later realised he is the one who had cheated on her.
When I decided to be with my mum, he told me that he would never forgive me. He is now with another woman with whom he has three children.
My dad wants us to be one happy family, but I want nothing to do with them. I have spent years trying to earn his love but I find it difficult. Should I cut him out of my life for good?
Sampa
Kabwe
Dear Sampa
Young children tend to see their parents as practically perfect unless things are really bad. But as children grow up they become more realistic. Your father has let you down.
The absolute golden rule when parents divorce is to put the children first, and never criticise the other parent in front of them, which makes it difficult to know who they can love and trust. Given what he has done and said, it’s unrealistic to expect you to be one big, happy family. Rather than cutting him off completely, you could meet him on his own and discuss issues to see how you can move on.

‘Satisfying sex without orgasm?’
Dear Josephine

I am a 35-year-old woman who is happily married with three children. Though I enjoy sex, I have never come in my whole marriage life.
Whenever I tell my husband that I enjoy sex though I don’t come, he doesn’t believe me. Is it possible to have enjoyable sex without coming?
Kate
Lusaka

Dear Kate
According to many researches, few women have orgasms during sex though a number of them enjoy sex.
If you never experience orgasm or only do so rarely – and, crucially, this does not trouble or bother you – then nobody should be making you feel like you have a problem.
If you experience pleasure, connect with your partner, do what you enjoy and feel satisfied, then it is not for anyone else to dictate that you should change that.

I love him but has bad breath
Dear Josephine
I have been dating a very handsome young man and I can say I love him. The only problem is that he has a terrible mouth odour which doesn’t go away no matter how much he brushes his teeth. Even when we are making love, I feel his bad breath is a turn-off. What should I do?
VC
Mufulira

Dear VC
Bad breath, morning breath, breath odour or halitosis are all terms used to describe a noticeably unpleasant odour exhaled on the breath. Halitosis is not a problem by itself, but it can cause concerns in our interpersonal relationships.
We are all familiar with how the consumption of certain foods such as garlic and onions can affect our breath. This occurs because these foods are absorbed into our bloodstream, where they are transferred to our lungs and exhaled.
Fortunately, bad breath caused by the foods we eat is only temporary.
Common Causes of Bad Breath
The truth is, most breath odour comes from food particles trapped in our mouths. When food remains in the mouth, it becomes a breeding ground for the bacteria that can cause bad breath.
Other causes can include poor oral health, improper cleaning of dentures, periodontal disease as well as smoking & tobacco products. Bad breath can also be sign of an underlying medical condition of the stomach, lungs and bloodstream.
Another little known situation that can contribute to halitosis is xerostomia (dry mouth). When our mouth is dry, saliva production decreases, leaving the mouth’s natural ability to clean itself impaired. Saliva is the mouth’s natural mouthwash, which contains properties that reduce bacteria in the mouth.
Fortunately, there are ways of fighting bad breath, which include brushing teeth and rinsing the mouth thoroughly after every meal to remove food particle from the mouth.
If you are really in love with your boyfriend, tell him about his bad breath. If you can sleep with him, I don’t see any reason you should shy away from telling him about his bad breath.

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