Dear Josephine
I AM a 56-year-old widower who recently married a young woman who is in her early 20s. The marriage was arranged by my in-laws after I lost my first wife last year.
However, I have problems to undress before a woman who is younger than my daughters or can even be my granddaughter.
She insists that the alangizi – marriage counsellors – taught her that we have to take off clothes in bed. I find it demeaning to undress before such a young person and insist on undressing in the dark. What should I do?
Albert J
Lusaka

Dear Albert J
Both traditionally and in a modern sense, when you marry a woman who is not under-age, you expect to sleep with her in a matrimonial relationship.
Why should you enjoy sex with this girl (whom I suspect takes clothes off for you) when you insist you must undress in the dark?
Your behaviour is macho and sexist. You want to use this young woman only for sexual pleasure, while denying that you are married to her and thus become what the Bible calls ‘one flesh.’

Dependent on sex boosters
Dear Josephine
I am a 45-year-old man who has been married for 15 years. Of late, I have been having serious problems with making love to my wife.
Fortunately, a friend of mine suggested I start using aphrodisiacs, both traditional and modern. Though these sex boosters work, I am so dependent on them that I cannot make love without using them. What
should I do?
Sam B
Mansa

Dear Sam B
In the first place, you shouldn’t have resorted to using aphrodisiacs unless on doctor’s advice. Specialists prescribe these boosters for men who are completely impotent or semi-impotent.
I will advise you to do what you were supposed to do in the first place. See a specialist.

Polygamous background
Dear Josephine
I hail from a Zambian tribe that promotes polygamy when a man can afford it in terms of wealth which could be material or financial.
This is greatly conflicting with my belief as a Christian and modernity which shuns a man marrying two women.
I know my wife would not accept me marrying another woman since she is both Christian and a very modern woman.
In Kenya, the Government passed a law to legalise polygamy basing on traditional norms that are older and I feel profounder than both Christianity and modernity. What should I do?
Jeremiah H
Mumbwa

Dear Jeremiah H
I feel you are a very selfish and old-fashioned man who wants to use tradition to justify your insatiable appetite for sex without regarding the feelings of your wife.
To remind you how primitive you are, can I reverse your consideration by transferring what you want to do to your wife.
How would you feel if she confronted you that she wants to marry another man in what is called polyandry in India where in some Indian Hindu cultures it is allowed?
Wouldn’t you go ballistic?

Temptations of a choir master
Dear Josephine
I am a born-again Christian who sings in the Praise Team. The temptation I am having is from female choir members who seem to like me because I am a conductor.
Every time we practise or sing on Sunday, there is always some girl who is showing open signs of love towards me. However, I keep on ignoring them, prompting rumours in church that I have a problem with women. What should I do to prove that I am OK?
Howard T
Chingola

Dear Howard T
You are falling under what is called peer pressure. As a Christian your moral and religious obligations are to God and not the immoral girls in your Praise Team tempting you to sin.
Keep up your good work of singing for the Lord and tell off the girls who want you to fail.

Will he accept beads?
Dear Josephine
I am a woman who comes from a very traditional family who insist on encompassing our tradition in almost anything that we do whether wedding, funeral or raising a child.
My aunt recently visited us from the village and gave me waist beads. However, I am having problems to
wear them since I don’t know if my husband will approve. What should I do?
KC
Lusaka

Dear KC
Approach your husband the same way you have brought your problem to my attention and explain your predicament.
There is nothing wrong with wearing waist beads which like necklaces, bracelets, ear-rings just beautify a woman.
Talk to your husband about it.