WITH  an infant strapped onto her back, the woman of the hood strolled into the ever-open watering hole holding everyone spellbound by her unceasing  allure!
For millennia gone, at the global fora, experts had belaboured the issue of gender parity and at least,  the world was getting somewhere.
But one thing bugged Lazzo when observers often decried the mistreatment of women but save helping them to reach their potential which was becoming a mirage!
Lazzo vehemently disagreed with proponents of women abuse because he thought many of them were to blame for their condition.
Take this erstwhile colleague at the watering hole famous for playing truant when hubby was at work and got back home many times sloshed to the hilt!
One time, a mini-bus loaded to capacity came to a screeching halt as onlookers gasped for breath because her infant was following her trail across the road!
Besides, she was married to some frail middle-aged   man who many at the watering hole thought had no guts to put her in the place she deserved.
This was because it was rumoured, she had once locked hubby in the wardrobe for a spell when he came home smelling alcohol.
After a few bangs on the wood, she let him out  ordered him to spend the night on the floor because she could not bear getting mixed up with someone who smelt like the watering hole itself!
Word soon went out and circulated like bushfire in the hood when the hubby’s relatives decided to lead him to a woman of their choice!
As the tale went on at the watering hole, she was there in flesh and blood girating her waist in a suggestive style with the child clinging to her like it was a circus.
Besides being a hypocrite she was authoritarian at home,  curt and seemingly spoke without thinking as most people would say.
All footpaths in the hood bypassed the watering hole so dreaded by moralists who strongly believed times of the end were here!
One of the pointers was this woman in front of the patronage whose flabby physique and cunning tormented her hubby.
Her day begins with hunt for company amid a throng of patrons that are not in short supply and quiete eager to reciprocate owing to her alluring personality. Lazzo thought she had not lost her middleage charm completely!
Lazzo began to seriously consider why the woman was made irresistibly attractive and many times played on the man’s mind.
He was least able to fathom what was always up her sleeve in her scheme of things and in this context, Lazzo recalled his heydays when a relative’s wife caught up with his folly.
For some reason, he thought he needed a sip of milk from a jar in the fridge which had cooled to enticing levels.
It was a matter of curiosity really but Lazzo was caught with his pants down as when he had just put back the jar of milk on the  rack, she was heading towards the kitchen and saw him.
Despite not having seen him take a quick sip, she deduced he had been up to no good because the level of the milk in the jar had considerably reduced!
She then decided she knew what Lazzo  had been up to and then concluded in line with a local proverb that asserts:”If you decide to beat up your mother –in- law, she should then get a thorough beating!”
The reasoning behind this creed was that if  you  settled for anything less including a slap, you would cries out loud and declare that you have  almost killed her by your poundings.
But when she is thoroughly is examined buy onlookers,  she would not show any signs of assault outwardly.
In the meantime, the whole hood would have recorded a case of assault against an in-law and thus to justify the good hiding that she receives  from her in law, she should show signs of ”bruises and cramps In some places  on the body”  so that when  punishment  is meted out to the perpetrator, no one is left in doubt!
In keeping with this altruism, Lazzo’s relative’s spouse gulped down the milk in an instant and threw the jar into the sink for rinsing!
By this time, Lazzo had left the kitchen premises and was well away into the hinterland  pursuing his earthly pleasures.
It was dawn the following day when Lazzo’s kith and kin was preparing to go for work and he sat down to an energizing breakfast.
There was black tea and two slices of bread smeared with butter sliced into two diagonally and in a long time, he had not taken his coffee that way.
He called out to his spouse and when she came  without  any further delay, he asked whether what he was seeing was meant to be a joke…
In her mind, this was the time to hit back at Lazzo and she felt the audacity to speak out rundown throughout her bloodstream…
“It is this lazy about you call a nephew who does what he likes in the house, because that milk you bought yesterday ended up in his tummy!”
The declaration was too much for Lazzo’s relative who instantly summoned the culprit to exculpate himself over milk.
“No, but I left some milk in the jar…I just took a bit…I did not finish it, it is not true!,” he blurted like a condemned prisoner before facing the gallows!
His relative had made up his mind that he thought that Lazzo had drunk the milk and there was no excuse to discuss the issue any further.
The man talked about how hard the times were and how he exerted himself to feed everyone including  Lazzo who was lost for words.
Those reveting words came back when he saw the woman gallivanting between two many ostensibly soliciting for alcoholic drinks at the watering was on the verge of causing a fight between two men she had lied to.
Word went round that she had like a swinging pendulum set the two men against  one another when she lied that the other called the one who was the ‘outstanding buyer’ a compound riff-raff!
Lazzo began to think that the woman’s role in the world was a two-edged sword and would remain so until perhaps the Second Coming!