In a twist of fate, a man who debased women by using and ditching them freely with no remorse, REX CHIBALA, shares the lesson he learnt the hard way about how not to treat other people, especially women. Read on…

IT was in 2005 when I had a six-month contract with the Central Statistics Office (CSO) as a demographer in Mongu, Western Province  when something I will never forget, in my entire life, happened.
During that short period, I was very excited and pompous because of the huge salary I used to get and I thought the world was at my command;  I was controlling it. I could propose any girl I liked and dump them one by one like pieces of trash.
So, as days went by, I visited Shoprite Mongu and came across a certain girl I will never forget by the name of Memory (not real name). She was so beautiful that it took someone with a strange character and principles to ignore her stunning beauty.
Upon seeing her, I quickly made up my mind that I wasn’t going to let the opportunity of befriending her  slip through my fingers. So, like most men would do, I composed myself and confronted her. I asked for her name, like I used to do with other girls before her.
To my surprise, she responded positively. Most beautiful girls like to play the-hard-to-get -game when approached. We even exchanged mobile phone numbers and parted without much ado that day. After three days, however, around 22:00 hours, I called her line, asked where she stayed, the house number and, most importantly, what she was doing for a living.
The girl was very honest with me because she appeared to have some interest in me and she told me she was only 19 years old. She said she used to live in Hospital Area and she was in Grade 12 then. I wondered to myself what I could do with a Grade 12 and quickly resolved that I could just use her and dump her.
I suggested we make an appointment to avoid disappointment and the appointment was to meet over the same coming weekend. When the weekend came, we met as agreed, at a place called Oasis Restaurant, a popular rendezvous in Mongu, which I had suggested.
That’s how our relationship started. Even though I could take her out, I wasn’t in the least interested in marrying her because of her Grade 12 status, which in my wisdom automatically disqualified her, because I thought she was nothing with no future ahead. Big mistake!
I continued to go out with her for selfish reasons; I just couldn’t let this beauty alone or for other men! About three months down the line, she broke to me the worst news!  She was pregnant! And the finger of who had put her in the family way pointed at me! I was very upset and denied responsibility for her pregnancy.
She cried bitterly and told me how much she trusted and loved me with all her heart and how much I had broken her heart with my insensitivity. But however much she wept, I chose to ignore her and her pleas for compassion and understanding.
I went further with my stubbornness by deleting her phone number from my phone to avoid any further communication with her and I was quite satisfied with my act. After a week, however, I heard from a friend of mine that the girl had an abortion and was admitted to Lewanika General Hospital for four days.
I pretended not to hear his story, but in my heart of hearts, I was beaming with glee, convinced that I was now a free man, since no one could  accuse  me of having made someone’s  daughter a mother. I continued with my life and after six months, my contract with CSO ended.
This, dear reader, was to be the beginning of a long, but frustrating job search that for years took me everywhere but led to no job! At times, though, I found a job, but it wasn’t permanent. In 2012, I decided to relocate to Kabwe in search of a job.
Fortuitously, someone tipped me that there was a vacancy at Kabwe Municipal Council. I applied for the job that had been advertised and I was lucky to be called for interview. A shocker lay in stock for me! When my turn came to go into the interview room, who did I see?
The girl I had abused and humiliated, the one whose future I predicted to be bleak seven years ago–Memory-was on the panel of interviewers! But she was no ordinary panelist; she was, in fact, the human resources manager, in other words, the boss!
I nearly bolted, but I don’t know where the courage came from, and I managed to just close my eyes in great shame. For her part, which was obviously unknown to the other panelists, she pretended everything was normal. Although I was interviewed, I was in shackles of shame.
After being interviewed, Memory asked me to see her. But this wasn’t until she’d finished with the other candidates. I waited for her outside and, after 30 minutes, an emissary was sent to beckon me to go and see the human resources manager.
When I got into her posh office, with great effort, she politely asked me to take a seat. The silence was palpable until she said the following words which I will never forget in my life, and I quote: “When a bird is alive, it eats ants. When the bird is dead, the ants eat the bird.” She paused for effect, but she hadn’t exactly finished her message.
“One tree can be made into a million match sticks, but only one match stick is needed to burn a million trees,” she said with a tone of finality. I shook my head in shame, avoiding eye contact with her by looking down. I thought she would take revenge by denying me the job, but to my pleasant shock, she gave me the job!
Time and circumstances can change at any time and so do not demean of purposefully hurt or harm anyone in life. You may be powerful today, but time is more powerful than you. Be good and do good to people at all times because the ones you consider to be useless today can be important tomorrow when you are useless or vulnerable.
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