I GOT so worked up inside the week because my wife, Amake Pachikani wasn’t in the mood for some of those most popular things people do in their bedrooms when they are alone with their partners and have locked the doors and closed all curtains the world cannot see.
Thinking about the incident, I remember one Bishop who said these same things we do in our bedrooms, even though by Godly edict as in “Marry and multiply”, were actually a disgraceful act! Well, well, well Bishop! I don’t know how many would agree with you seeing how popular and emotionally placed these acts are!
I do realise the context in which he felt they are disgraceful relates to the fact that people have to shed their clothes and be as naked as shame itself and … and … I am sure you understand, if you have been involved (as I suspect you surely have been – these things are highest on many people’s wanted list) why the Bishop felt this way!
I know too that the Bishop was, in his mind, going through the whole litany of actions known as foreplay and the subsequent reactions that are involved in these things for him to state they are a disgraceful act.
Curiously, the married Bishop was adamant that he wasn’t referring to these acts as in their sinful nature by unmarried couples, adulterous lunatics, gays and lesbians or even as in bestiality.
He was referring to the likes of you and I who are in holy matrimony and are happily married! Yes, madam and sir, that what you do when nobody is watching is disgraceful!
“Ask yourselves why these acts have to be done in total privacy when they are God-given and approved in heaven!” he reasoned. “Why don’t we meet in one open place and each with his or her spouse enjoy this God-given gift, as we do the Lord’s table or other meals in public couples’ fellowships?
It is because, as you will now agree, the acts themselves are disgraceful! You don’t want to be seen getting involved. You would rather people just imagine that you do them and get confirmation when your partner starts showing signs that they have fruit in their womb!”
This was surely a controversial thought which the man of God delivered to a couples’ fellowship but which he said illustrated the mysterious nature of God, that He could grant us the right to enjoy sex but shroud it in embarrassing … contemptible actions … to complete the cycle of filling up the earth but also keeping us enjoying our marriages.
“So don’t spend too much time questioning God’s reasoning. Even us as Christians must accept that one of the best gifts God gave us is sex,” he reasoned. “But the fact is you have to do things you wouldn’t want others to see or know you are doing to just access that wonderful gift of not just sex but sex enjoyed, sex exciting, sex thrilling, sex satisfying.”
Of course the whole thing is highly emotional. Men and women alike yearn for it and that yearning must be satisfied by the partner. Yet the same wonderful gift from God does also cause a lot of problems in many a people’s lives, within and outside of marriage.
In marriage, there have been cases of women that just won’t get the full satisfaction either because they are just like that (frigid they call them) or because the partners are always inefficient at the job!
There are those woeful characters who think the whole thing is about themselves so as long as they get their fill, it’s assignment done, handed over for marking and, as you would expect, it returns with a D plus grading!
Victims of such poor functioning in the marital bed have sometimes ended up trying other men, outside of the marriage bed and of course if their temporary partners score high marks, there result permanent adulterous relationships, which are eventually bound to be discovered and cause huge ripples in the marriages concerned.
I am mindful of the fact that people have been gunned down for satisfying other people’s partners, so be warned! Others, men
especially (though some women are also like that) have such gluttonous appetites for sex no matter what the partner does, they ask for more.
Don’t eat those things like Seven Hours unless your partner is ready for nonstop action. You may just end up disorienting them when what they need most is sleep and not punishing nonstop sex action!
One of the greatest sins a wife can commit, in the thinking of many men, is to be unavailable for action when her husband wants.
This gets interpretations so various and potentially damaging to the relationship, the wives, though at liberty to only perform the act when they feel like and up to it, must generally put up some show of being ready and available and even appear to be enjoying the Godly gift if only to keep room temperatures normal. A woman saying “no” on the night can be adjudged to have done it with someone else while the man was away.
“Who has satisfied THAT desire which is supposed to be in you?” she can be asked. Or “All right, so where do you suggest I take my appetite? Will you permit me to now drive out and find myself a prostitute?”
Even those husbands that don’t appear to fuss over the wife’s refusal or failure on the night to help their men do their “disgraceful” thing usually get injured in the soul and can use that as justification for having all sorts of sex things going before they get home.
“I don’t want to bother madam with high demands when I get home,” they can reason. “If she wants, fine, I will provide the service. But if, as she usually seems, she claims fatigue, then I will not have to struggle with untreated desires, you see!”
So, maybe it was in similar context that I got worked up when Amake Pachikani showed total reluctance to do what I thought was just natural in the context of marriage. No matter how much I rubbed her legs and lovely back, she just lay there so unfeeling you would have imagined they had married me off to a metal bar!
In a matter of time, she was snoring! This woman! I come home early, I don’t have used condoms on me, I am sober, I am playing good husband and when it istime for her to return this favour, she opts to say no and sleep instead? Ah! She was home all day watching Nollywood,
Telemundo and TB Joshua so what could have made her too tired to do the marriage thing?
I was so upset I failed to sleep! I spent long hours awake imagining and planning how to show her my displeasure the next day. She awoke around 03:00 hours and noticed I was tossing and fidgeting.
“You are restless,” she observed. “Are you sick?” Christ, this woman!
“If that’s what they taught you at your church …!” I exploded.
“What…?” she sounded genuinely surprised and raised her head to stare at me in the dim light filtering through the blue curtains from the
security bulb outside.
“Do you understand that I am a man and so … I … I … should I be pleading for sex from my own wife?” I was bitter.
“Uh-uh! But why didn’t you say?” she asked. “You should have …”
“Should I be pleading for sex from my own wife?” I queried her. “When you notice I am touching you nonstop…when I am…you don’t know the signs after all these years in marriage?”
“Oooh, I am sorry,” she sounded really surprised. “Ok, fine, go ahead now. Its not too late, my dear husband …”
“No!” I erupted. “I am no longer in the right frame for it. You killed off all the mood …!”
“Ok, tomorrow, work on your mood sir, and I won’t do anything to mess it. I am all yours,” she said resting her head back on the pillow and touching my cheek lightly, playfully.
I said nothing, still feeling the anger of having been kept awake by a wife’s insensitivity to my sexual feelings on the night.
“And if you change your mind, sir…if your mood becomes right, I am available anytime before you leave this bed in the morning.” – njombwinjo@yahoo.com