LAST week’s article was all about why a mother can’t walk her daughter down the aisle in the absence of the father.
A mother cannot walk her bride down the aisle because it just has to be a man, reason being that giving away refers to giving your daughter to a different man, entirely to take care of her for the rest of her life.
In the absence of the father, the man giving away is basically a replacement and is regarded as the father.
In this week’s article I am answering a question that was asked by one of the regular readers of this column.
Hi Sunitta,
“I read your articles and l read the one you did on how to prepare wedding speeches, but my question is why most weddings tend to invite prominent people/politicians. An ordinary person cannot do a good speech? That has been my observation, continue enlightening the nation.”
Anyone can give a wedding speech; you don’t necessarily need to be a prominent person to give a good speech, what is required is proper preparation.
What makes a speech memorable is not who delivered it but how and what was delivered, if perfection as a goal is kept into consideration then we all shall be better public speakers and possibly better citizens.
One thing for sure is that it is better to give six speeches a year which are good ones, than 20, half of which are bad because guests will quickly forget your good efforts, but always remember the times when you bored or irritated them, and the sad part is that immediately you stand they will remember it, so the chances of them listening to you are slim. This often happens to people in the public eye.
One thing you should always remember is that no one was born a speaker, once you know the fundamental techniques of speaking in public you can never make a bad speech.
Every guest of honor at a wedding feels nervous before giving a speech, I call it nervous excitement, and this is ok, it’s actually helpful and, it only becomes a problem when it causes dryness of the mouth, which can make speaking so difficult and shivering. Just make the audience feel important and play yourself down.
When you stand up to speak, remember that mannerisms on the platform can run a good speech.
Guests simply cannot listen to a guest of honor speaking when their eyes and thoughts are concentrated on whether or not he/she is going to blow the noise for the tenth time within two minutes.
Many people with wildly tousled hair think it makes them stand out and look like a famous movie star, they fail to realize that they really look as if they had just come out of a barber shop with unfinished hair cut due to electricity that just went off suddenly, so now the hand is in problems as it is used for the continually brushing back their hair with it, this could be the most irritating to an audience.
As a guest of honor, make sure you have no fancy hair styles. When the master of ceremony announces that it is your time to speak you should not slink on to the platform as if you are guilty of something.
Perhaps you are feeling guilty about the disappointment the guests may feel after listening to you because you are boring when the moment for you to speak comes you seem to be so nervous such that all the invited guests begin to feel nervous for you long before you even start to speak.
Do not look as if you have arrived at the wrong place. First you sit in the wrong chair, when finally seated correctly you begin to gaze around the room as if you are not quite certain what it is all about.
When the bride and groom give you that invitation card make sure they indicate that you are the guest of honor to avoid sitting you in the wrong place by the ushers.
When it is your time as guest of honor to present the speech, the right way to walk on to the platform is as if you had walked into a house of a great friend whom you had not seen for some time.
Look as though you are glad to meet the wedding guests and if you will forgive the cliché walk on with a purposeful air.
To all the wedding guest of honor the facial impression really, give your face a smile so that it will be easy to relate to the guests, do not look upset because you give the impression that the whole thing is a complete bore.
As organisers make sure all the speeches come before meals so that the speakers are not conscious about some few crumbs left on the lips and in between the teeth.
Do not live an apologetic life and begin your speech saying “forgive me l don’t know how to speak English or l have never been to school” if you feel ashamed don’t talk about it or simply, just go to school.
Don’t give much attention as to how your accent comes out, rather be proud of it! Do not sound like someone else; it’s irritating! Speak clearly and breathe correctly, present your speech in such a manner that the guests will not be bored.
The guests will quickly become bored if they cannot hear you properly. Some people have thin voices, some squeak a little, but the good thing is that the ordinary people speak well enough to be heard in an average-sized room. If the room is larger than average, then this is where the use of a microphone comes in.
When you begin to give that memorable wedding speech always talk to a guest seated at the back of the hall, meaning be very clear such that even those seated at the back can hear you, the vendors table.
The reason why we can’t hear so many wedding guests of honor’s speeches is because they bend their heads, so everyone is bored looking on top of their heads and talk to those seated at the first few tables, or the first few rows of the guests or the head table.
Hold your head high guest of honor and direct your voice to the back of the room, you will be heard. It’s as simple as that! Some people with or without a microphone cannot be heard that is why singing in the bathroom makes you feel that your voice is quite resonant and it can help to strengthen those vocal chords it sounds silly but very important.
It’s a great pity that the days are past when the father would read a part of a great classic each evening to the family gathering, this is very good to improve your public speaking, lam sure your wife and children won’t mind listening to you reading a good book to them. As you read, vary the tone of your voice to suit the passage you are reading.
Also, read some passage faster than others. You should never keep to the same pace. At times you must speak slowly and deliberately, at times you must step things up. You must put the right inflection on words.
Give them life and warmth. If you have the R and L syndrome avoid using words which have R/ L letters in them.
The question you must ask yourself when you receive that invitation to be the guest of honor is that, what is the good reason for the guests wanting to listen to me? Why should they listen to me? If you have no reason then don’t speak, remember and be encouraged that no one was born a speaker.
Men always believe that women never stop talking, that’s unfair, and they are just as bad. The role of guest of honor is usually given to men, when they start talking they keep going on and on. If not told to stop they talk throughout the reception time.
They really need a listenometer! someone should invent such a type of machine as it might save endless trouble.
It should be advising the speaker as to the number of seconds or minutes when guests are not listening to him, so that it reads their minds and switch off when their minds starts to wonder.
Guests at a wedding only listen for five minutes after that their minds wonder, even if you have written a 20 minutes speech you can read it in five minutes.
Try to have the platform to yourself people moving up and down disturb the attention of those who are supposed to listen to the good speech.
Men have a tendency of moving with a bunch of keys in their pockets, when giving a speech they begin to play with them in the pockets, very irritating!
Many confuse the main body with the conclusion of a speech, they keep on saying as i conclude and yet it is the main body.
They speak for twenty minutes then they say let me be as brief as possible just speak for five minutes then the guests will say you were as brief as possible.
The commonest fault of speech-ends is that they are too long and become as tedious as the guest who cannot say good bye.
Your beginning and ending will be wise to commit to memory. They are too important to be left to chance.
A good beginning is half the battle, not only because it gains your listeners attention but also because it will give you confidence to proceed.
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Email: sunittasyabeene@yahoo.com