FEELING welcome and comfortable often go hand in glove, ways on how you can make your guests feel comfortable at your reception celebration was what last week’s article was all about.
Whether held outdoors, indoors, coming from within town or out of town, they have to feel comfortable as this is what can make the wedding guests happy, relaxed and enjoy the breeze.
The role of a knife girls is what many people are failing to understand, the dances that are portrayed, the attires worn by these girls, what is the right age, why have a girl to bring in the knife?
Assigning a girl to be a knife bearer is not wrong at all as it is creativity. This is something that beautifies the wedding and cheers up the invited guests.
A knife girl brings in the knife from outside with a dance or free dance as many love to call it, and then hands it over to the matron who dances also as she welcomes the knife which is used to cut the wedding cake.
This segment usually comes before the cutting of the cake.A knife girl is and should be part of the wedding party or (bridal party), just like ring or Bible bearer and page boys. She is part of the flower girls who are members of bride and groom’s extended family.
Before l go any further in explaining the role of the knife girl, l know many are not pleased about the dances, attire and the money given to the knife bearer, but first l want to talk about the origin of flower girls because this is where the knife girl should come from.
The history of flower girls being part of the wedding party dates as far back as the Greek and Roman times.
In those days, brides were quite young just having walked through childhood and stepped into young adulthood or what was considered adulthood at the time as these brides were as young as 12 years old.
In these times it was customary that some of the bride’s young childhood friends and relatives be part of the ceremony as symbols of purity, youth and life.
Some cultures thought that including young girls sprinkling flowers or grains was a way to ward off evil spirits that might try to ruin the wedding or bring bad luck to the young couple.
The tradition of sprinkling flower petals in the path of the bride was first not even about flowers. The original child attendants would throw grain and herbs sometimes rice as a gesture of bestowing fertility on the wedding couple.
Later in history this tradition evolved in to less harvest focused items being strewn (although many weddings throwing rice is still popular) and many more flowers and rose petals in particular.
At this point the meaning was to symbolize the ending of purity and the start of a life of passionate love and fertility.
In the Queen Victoria era the flower girls became more popular, the classic white dress was the one to be worn, often not just one little girl but many and it is at this time that the flowers became mostly rose petals.
The meaning of the rose colours also plays a significant role in whether that colours of rose is allowed often the preferred colour is red indicating love and passion but many times pink meaning sweetness or orange, peach or the peace rose.
Colours that are not usually used by flower girls include white as it is a symbol of purity, yellow as it is also known as the friendship rose and of course black petals were even available, (this is something l learnt recently).
In recent years, children in the wedding party not only threw flowers and or petals, sometimes they just walk holding flowers with a more recent custom being one where the little one blow bubbles around and near the bride.
Actually, many weddings have replaced rice and confetti thrown by the guests with bubbles and balloons.
Enough about the history of flower girls, let’s get back to the issue of knife girl. A knife bearer is commonly practised in Zambia and some parts of Africa although very rare just like the ring bearer (a role played by a page boy in church) which is common in Britain, USA and Canada and not practiced in Zambia. This is where creativity comes in.
The issue of having a knife girl or flower girls is optional and not compulsory if fact there is a growing trend with many modern weddings to have only an adult event.
They no longer include knife girl, flower girls, Bible bearer and page boys this is fine because sometimes the flower girls and page boys are difficult to incorporate into the wedding party.
If you want to have a traditional wedding like the British royal wedding for Prince William and Princess Kate from a few years ago this was most traditional as it included several young children as bridal attendants with wreaths of flowers in their hair and carried floral bouquets.
The right age for the knife girl should be between eight and twelve years old.
It is sad to note that nowadays we have ‘knife men’, sorry men leave it to the girls your time has passed, the role of  groom’s men is what fits you best, the young at heart you are disqualified and a twelve year old who looks like she is in her thirties; this role is not for you.
The knife girl should always be part of the flower girls and not come from the blues dressed in a low cut jeans (just from the name it shows that it is not worth dancing in) and a top as small as a breast holder, club wear on a child no that is wrong!
The knife girl just like the other flower girls should wear simple dresses in white or a shade of your wedding colour.
Do not make her change the attire to a club wear so that the dancing is more reviewed. She is not a dancing queen but a child. The way you dress is how people will address you.
The other thing that has made the role of the knife girl and the flower girls look bad is the make-up that is applied on them. Oh my! It is too much.
On the girls don’t put make-up, perfume, gel, hair pieces, lip stick or paint their nails, let them be as natural as possible, allow them to be children, she is a school girl for crying out loud!
When it comes to jewelry, just let them wear a small bracelet, no hanging earrings or fashion rings.
You can let them wear a small bracelet that is if the parents insist on it, although wearing none is more appropriate.
Make the flower girls feel like princesses, let them shine and blossom. Add lots of white tulle and pretty flower garlands will do the trick, do not dress them in fake tiaras or head pieces that resemble a crown in any way.
Whatever the formalities of the wedding don’t put the flower girls and page boys in shiny fabrics or over the top sparkle.
This is not a Barbie wedding day or club girl’s day out. It’s your wedding. As you are planning your wedding don’t forget about the weather, always keep little ones warm in jackets matching with the type of wedding dresses they are wearing. Add plain tights in chillier months and cool in light cotton materials in the summer.
Do not tell their parents to bring jerseys for them because some are in the habit of bringing school jerseys, written at the back … Nursery& Primary School. School jerseys do not go to wedding celebrations.
As you prepare the knife girl for her role ask their parents to rehearse with their tasks on how they will dance.
The definition of Dance is to move in a series of steps, alone or with a partner or a group, usually in a way that matches the speed and rhythm of music.
As the bride, groom and the parent to a knife girl find a suitable meaningful song according to her age, don’t make her watch a rhumba track and then tell her to dance exactly what she has watched as a child she will do exactly what you tell her and as a parent don’t allow someone else to teach her how to dance for her role because you never know the motive behind the woman you engage to teach her how to dance.
Some will just end up teaching and exposing her to disturbing dances so that the money she will receive on the wedding day goes to the adult trainer which is wrong.
It is not about how well someone can dance as it is not a dancing competition but it is the knife being brought in a special way, special entrance with glamour, beauty and fabulosity to the wedding.
It is a good thing to have a knife bearer what is important is that it should be done with the right motive.
A Las Vegas dance and attire is not welcome here, keep the Zambian cultural values in mind, the best way to find out the cultural mind set and lifestyle of people is to talk to them.
Being a Zambian as the bride, groom, organisers, parents of the knife girl and having interacted with different tribal groups makes you very familiar with the cultural values so you have no excuse of being ignorant and the other thing you have to keep in mind is that your wedding will be attended by different age groups.
Dancing is a nature of Africans whether they are striking, celebrating or mourning they will always dance and throw money.
Mark 6: 22 (NLT) For when the daughter of Herodias herself came in and danced, she pleased and fascinated Herod and his guests; and the king said to the girl, ask me for whatever you desire, and l will give it to you.
As a parent take up the responsibility to train your daughter for the role of knife girl so that on the wedding day you will not be embarrassed and it will not be shameful at what the outcome will be.
When you train her yourself you will be sure that both of you will feel comfortable when her time comes to dance with a knife in her hand.
This will make you a proud mother just like Eunice the mother to Timothy and Lois his grandmother who helped shape his life and promote his spiritual growth when he was a small child (2 Timothy 1:5, 3:15).
This also shows that a parent’s work is vitally important so as a result we should realise that teaching small children is both an opportunity and a responsibility.
Jesus wanted little children to come to him (Matthew 19:13-15). Like Timothy’s parents do your part in teaching your own children to know Christ and not expose them to dances that are not pleasing in the sight of those watching.
The knife girl segment should not be viewed as a business venture or dancing competition, so let them dance their parental guidance style.
If the money is given by both male and female invited guests, the parents to the knife girl can take that money and buy something for her. The money should be put in a basket provided and not inside her dress, please.
Psalm 127:3 (NLT) the psalmist wrote that Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.
Many are the times when children are seen as liabilities rather than assets. But the Bible in the above mentioned scripture calls them “a gift from the LORD,” a reward.
We can learn valuable lessons from their inquisitive minds and trusting spirits. Those who view children as a distraction or something they can abuse all the time by exposing them to unpleasing dances should instead see them as an opportunity to shape the future. We dare not treat children as an inconvenience when God values them so highly.
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