By JONES H. MUNANG’ANDU –
Marriage is a legally and socially sanctioned union or relationship, usually between a man and a woman, that is regulated by laws, rules, customs, beliefs, and attitudes that prescribe the rights and duties of the partners and accords status to their offspring (if any).
The universality of marriage within different societies and cultures is attributed to the many basic social and personal functions for which it provides structure, such as sexual gratification and regulation, division of labour between the sexes, economic production and consumption, and satisfaction of personal needs for affection, status, and companionship; perhaps its strongest function concerns procreation, the care of children and their education and socialisation, and regulation of lines of descent.
Most people would admit that their marriage has not been without its challenges. One observer wrote: “Happy marriages are not care-free.
There are good times and bad times. . . But somehow . . . these people have stayed married despite the turmoil of modern life.” Successful couples have learned to deal with the inevitable storms and crises that result from the pressures of life, especially if they have raised children.
Experience has taught such couples that true love “never fails.” Therefore, this necessitated the documentation of this write up to help mend marriages or relationships of many that may be in the pitfalls to a blink of breaking up. The following are the relationship mending guidelines that heals troubled couples;
1. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risks. It is vital to dream more while you are awake in order to accept realities of your relationship. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy,Enthusiasm, and Empathy. If you love your wife you will accord her same respect that you give your mother and the woman will reciprocate with respect she gives to her father. Communication is the pillar of avoiding any misunderstanding in marriage but it should always be in an appropriate tone. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. When one says sorry, forgive. Forgive each other for everything. Forgiveness heals everything. Make peace with your past so that it won’t spoil the present. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control.
Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. By all means, don’t hate your partner.
Be considerate of each other’s feelings and emotions so that you don’t cross paths. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
3. When you are sorry, look straight into the eyes of your partner. It matters most how an apology is toned and whether the same behaviour keeps on coming up. Let’s forgive to forget and not to return to the same issue over and over. The thing about lack of forgiveness is that it only continues to hurt that one who fails to let go.
4. Do not let material things hold you together. Learn the economic capacity of your partner so that you don’t make unrealistic demands.
Men have a duty to spice up their relationships with gifts but whenever possible women can do the same.
Don’t ever think you are
better placed than the other but know that you are best fitted for each other. Don’t withhold your sexual feelings or fulfillment because some requests have not been granted as it just makes you appear cheap since you are worthy every Gold and penny.
5. Do not let money come between your relationships.
Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. Love is multi-faceted so take care of every face diligently for you to yield the best out of every situation. When you wake up alive in the morning , don’t take it for granted but embrace your lives together and the love that you continue sharing.
If love was in possession of materials, then the richest people in the world would not end up facing divorce but have perfect relationships. It is not wearing of the latest dress or trousers that will make you look beautiful or handsome but it’s putting in your best altitude. Remember that the best is yet come….
6. Do not let a little thing break your happiness.
Consequently, don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. Your inner most is always happy.
So, be happy. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. A hug and a kiss every day will make your relationship stronger. A morning and evening kiss always carries great meaning even if you had a difference before going to sleep. It helps lessen tension.
8. When you have lied before, make sure you do not do it again. The moment you decide to cheat on your partner is the time you become initiated into the foolishness of bearing the consequences of divorce.
9. Find at least four days in a month to be together for not less than two hours to avoid loss of interest. Frequent contact promotes intimacy, hence we should be motivated to be around that special someone that makes us feel complete. It is also important to take a 10-30 minutes’ walk in times of relationship grieving in order to reflect on sober solutions to our paradigm of problems.
10. Explain to your partner any problem you may encounter. The coming together of two people brings together a pile of problems that can be better solved because to heads are better than one.
If we start seeking solutions to our problems outside our relationship without proper consultation from our better half then we need to realise that which we seek is not genuine. Love is about sharing and shouldering the burden of the chemistry that brings you together. Relationship terrorists always take advantage of that which you need so badly that you would auction your dignity for and leave you regretting. Realise
that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a life-time. Share with your partner and he/she will provide.
11. If there is something that makes your partner happy, do it often. For men, don’t struggle to elongate anything on your body because you are perfect in your natural state and can do satisfying wonders or miracles that can keep the marriage moving forward.
There are rare or no conditions that can shorten your member because every fully grown man can reach the G-spot to satisfy his female partner. For women, don’t dry anything, add odour to anything or tighten anything because you are also perfect without any manipulation. It is important to remember that you are not an apple, strawberry, lemon, Soap, banana or chocolate before you invite any chemicals that may just lead you to developing cancer.
What is cardinal is to keep shape and doing exercises.
12. If your partner is not happy, quickly check your mistakes. Invest in your happiness because you cannot gain your libido with the stress of anger mismanagement. In a relationship we lose nothing by accepting and owning up to our mistakes and that does not make us less of a man or woman.
13. Do not take advice of jealousy people, for they are after ruining your relationship.
If you really have to ask for an opinion about marriage problems from your friends and colleagues, do it as if you are inquiring for someone else and remember to put it loosely but only grasp the appropriate possible solutions. However, if you cannot alienate yourself from that problem don’t ask for any direct solutions because vultures will invade your marriage like pests. The most important thing is to be mature enough to avoid bringing in third parties whenever possible.
14. Do not let anyone separate you by what they say to you. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
Gossip has the capacity to wreck you marriage so make efforts to gather facts
15. If you fight or quarrel, do not let anyone know about it. Embrace both families and don’t join in scolding anyone of them but always give sound advice. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch. Infighting between families is hard to quench and sometimes arises after your death. Assume a life of positive sharing and take yourself seriously so that people know when you mean something you actually do just that for all to benefit.
16. If you have fought, do not call each other insults.
Mature partners know how to handle their anger even in their worst moment not to start showering insults at each other. No matter how bad the situation gets reserve respect for each other because difference of opinion does not imply one has stopped caring.
17. Once you fight, you should reconcile as quickly as possible without anyone knowing about it. It is important to shield your
children from your worst silly behaviour because they may end up disrespecting you in the end.
18. Do not fight because fighting is a dirty game specially meant for fools.
Every scar you engrave on your partner is a mark of immaturity to resolve issues peacefully.
19. Once you quarrel, try to check who is in a wrong position. Don’t always pour your problems on your children to gain favour, it is quite traumatising for them.
Children as they grow older learn more about your problems in marriage and you only waste your time telling them when they have labelled you as the weakness for a crumbling marriage. The most honourable thing is to prepare them for the worst scenario management when all goes from worse to worst.
20. Do not let your enemy know your trouble in a relationship. Most of the divorces that are making headlines today are because of ill-intended communication by people that don’t want us to be successful in marriage.
Success in marriage is more satisfying than career achievement.
21. When you are in a relationship, do not use the word mine but ours. The time you got married you became one. Learn to engage in one project together and improve on your cooperative skills, Personalising anything that can benefit both of you makes you appear selfish.
22. Let not your lips get dry when you are together. Don’t overdo it; keep your limits and avoid using VIAGRA. If you feel a strong sexual urge when you see your partner, then that is a good investment in your reproductive passion but love is not always about getting physical. Learn more about each other and understand the silent inviting language to swing into action at an appropriate time and place.
Don’t watch pornography it will just make you feel like an amateur or look ugly because you are the champion in your own bedroom with your legitimate partner. If you decide to exhibit your skills outside your matrimonial home, then it would just indicate that you are still sexually immature.
23. Let your love flow deep down your heart and be in contact all the time.
Frequent contact builds on the chemistry that binds you together. Remember you are so much connected in ways that words can’t express, hence it is important to take advantage of every free moment together because we only have one life.
Spice up every moment as if it is your last time together so that a positive impression is created.
24. Do not double-cross because it pains a lot, so be faithful and open to each other. Learn about each other’s bodies and gain
confidence in arousing the best out of each other as it is the only way you may discover the uniqueness of the bird in the hand than the one in the air.
25. When you are together, try to call each other, honey, sweetheart, and darling. Etc it matters less how many times you tell your partner ‘I LOVE YOU’ but it means a lot and carries a lot of weight when it is seasoned for the right moments.
In summary, many marriages that seemed to be headed for failure have in time turned out to be very successful if both partners realise the importance of adjustment to fit in each other’s shoes. Many married couples think back on their courtship with great fondness.
How delightful it was to get to know their future mate! The more time they spent together, the closer they became. It is vital to have a mentality that your marriage partnership is the best in order to view every obstacle as a stepping stone to greater height in your relationship. If you cannot be faithful, then don’t marry because you will hurt a lot of lives and eventually fail to live with your consciousness.
Maturation in sexuality is the greatest development of human growth if we are to be any different from animals. If we have to pick a relationship mentor among animals, let’s emulate DOVES not DOGS. Amigos, we wish you a prosperous relationship because you were able to understand the content and context of the guidelines of mending relationships or marriages from these top secrets.
