EVERY year, hundreds of girls and unmarried women are raped and impregnated by men because they fail to apply their sexual brakes.
Most men, even those who are married leave their wives and go for the single girls and women.  The unfortunate thing is that these girls and unmarried women give in to the sex pressure.
A professor who taught sex education at a large university asked his students to discuss the various approaches the men use to entice the women in sex encounters.
At first these college-age young people laughed at what came out.  Yes, these sex approaches finally leave the women pregnant, for the unlucky ones, this becomes the entry point for HIV/AIDS.
The first fooling approach that men use is the True love Approach, “If you really love me lets have it just once.” Men have used this approach over and over again.
Our women fail to reason, will he continue loving even after the sex is over?  In this way, men use it to satisfy their own urgent sexual needs.
A good response to this approach should be, “If you love me, you won’t ask for sex now, we need to wait until the right time comes.”
The Flattery Approach.  In this approach the men use flattery in order to get what they need.  The man would say, “You have such a gorgeous body that I can hardly control myself.”  Or “You are so beautiful!”
Men use this approach because they cannot think of anything to say, so they resort to flattery.  This shows that there is very little or no attraction between them, that he has to flatter.
This works because it reinforces what a woman would like to hear, and even the most unattractive woman like my great grand mother in the village feels flattered.
The Situation Approach.  Men use it in order to get what they want from the woman.  They normally say, “Everybody is dong it, why should you refuse.”
They use it in order to tell the woman that there must be something wrong with her if she says “NO.”
All the women are doing it why are you saying no.  As the woman listens, she begins to wonder whether she might be missing something the rest of the women are enjoying.
The Sympathy Approach.  The woman is told, “Nobody but you understand me.  Everybody is against me, my friends, my parents, brothers and sisters.
All I need is your help, and everything will be OK.”  A woman will begin to internalise, “I think it is true this man needs my help,” as she sympathises, she decides to give in to sex.  Most men have mastered this technique on playing on a woman’s sympathies.
Sometimes, the men use the opposite of sympathy.  “You little girl, nobody has ever loved you as I do.  You have had a rough deal so far. But I will show you real love now, in the backseat of this car.”
Dear ladies, any time sympathy is the primary motive, beware.  This poses special danger for the young woman who comes from an unhappy home who has never had a close relationship with her mother and father.
This person is most vulnerable especially if she feels sorry for herself.  The women should understand that the greater the sexual need, the better the female looks to a man, even the ugliest woman in Zambia will look very attractive to a man.
The other is the Logical Approach.  In this approach, the man would begin by saying, “I thought that we were going to get married…. Who needs a  paper to legalise love like ours?  It’s good experience that we’ll benefit our future together.”  This trend of thought comes on so gradually that it is often difficult to recognise.
It occurs most often in long-term steady relationships with a basically nice guy whom the lady knows is right for her.
Many times the woman will give in for fear of loosing the young man.
The Abnormal Approach.  In this approach the man would say something like this, “What’s the matter with you?  Are you frigid or something?
You don’t want to be known as a cold cucumber, do you?  It is normal for every normal woman to look forward to a sexually complete relationship with her husband someday, but this guy plants seeds of doubt about her ability to function sexually.
Men who use this approach believe that women are “things to be used” by males.  Ladies would do well to remember that frigidity is located in the brain.
The Intellectual Approach. In this approach, the man promotes heavy “think” sessions regarding sex.  He gets the woman into verbalising about sex.  His object is to lead a woman into natural sequence of events.
Such discussion can be very sexually enlightening and very stimulating.  Through this, a woman will be made to give in.
The Threat Approach.  Some men use threats, “If you don’t I’ll date some one else.  This fellow hopes to intimidate by implying that unless she gives in, friendship will come to an end.  Me of this type are selfish, and has no regard for you, damp him.
Then, there is the Promise Approach.  This is where a man continually promises the lady that they will get married under the pressure of sexual tension.
These men may mean every word at that moment, but it would surprise you how quickly these fellows can forget their promises once their desperately urgent sexual pressures have been relieved.  Many girls fall for promises because they desperately want to believe the guys.  As a result a woman will end-up saying, “I got carried away.”
A man will want sex without being in love, and his wanting sex affords no proof that he loves you.  He may interpret his strong sexual attraction as love and try to convince the woman that his love is the same as hers.
The poor woman assumes that he would not ask unless he deeply loves her.  She therefore, gives in to his wishes, feeling they have sealed a contract through intercourse.
All it means is that, a man gives love in order to get sex, while a woman gives sex in order to be loved.
The question is, How far should one go?  What is right and what’s wrong?  Young people want to know how far they can go and still stay within limits of propriety.
Is it all right to kiss and hug?  What about French kissing?  Can I touch my girl as long as I stay above the waist?  Can I go as far as the ….or as far as the … How far can I go anyway?
God has not given men to set up standards for couples to follow. He set guidelines in Scripture, in governing relationships with the opposite sex.
No, it doesn’t say that hand holding is OK, that kissing is OK, but that French kissing is wrong.  But it does present some clear principles.
On the basis of these standards, one should be able to make some judgments concerning his or her own actions.
1.  The Bible condemns sexual intercourse for unmarried people.  In the New Testament the word fornication refers to sexual immorality in general (John 8:41; Acts 15:20-29; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 6:13; Ephesians 5: 3).
In the final analysis, then, 37 out of 39 Biblical passages exclude premarital sexual intercourse from God’s plan for men and women.
The two exceptions are where fornication is used as a synonym for adultery.  God asks His children to confine sexual intercourse to marriage.
Paul applies the word fornication to an incestuous relationship.  Therefore, if any of your petting activities lead to sexual intercourse, you have gone too far.
2.  If your conscience bothers you, you have gone too far.  My brothers and sisters, try not to get into a situation where it might happen.
One of the functions of the Holy Spirit is to convict us of sin through our conscience.  If your conscience tells you that something you are doing is wrong, and you do it anyway, then it becomes a sin (Romans 14:14, 23; 1 John 3:21).
3.  You have gone too far if you unduly arouse sexual desires.  Once a gay and a girl pet to the point that either partner jeopardises self-control, they went too far to the extent that their emotions took control of their thinking.
The female may not always be aware in such cases how stimulated the male is.  Almost all fellows have problems after prolonged kissing, whether she realizes it or not.
But if the tension becomes so strong that your passion begins to dictate your actions, then you are in trouble and this shows that you have gone too far.
4.  You have gone too far when nudity is involved.  The Old Testament on several occasions associates nakedness with illicit sexual conduct, and I would like to suggest that, when the unmarried couple removes their clothing or cares under the clothing, they have gone too far.      What has gone wrong with our morals?
How can you undress before some one who is not you husband or your wife?  This is madness of the highest degree; only university professors in the School of Medicine can give an explanation.  This is what many of our young people and foolish adults are involved in.  In the name of God, this is sin.
The question is, who should apply the sexual brakes?  This is a good question.  Theoretically, the responsibility for applying sexual brakes should be divided equally.
Both the man and the woman should see that they excise self-control.  Culturally, as in other ways, the female has more to loose than the male when it comes to premarital sex and people tend to blame women more than the man if they go ‘too’ far.  There are two main reasons for this attitude, each with a long history.
1.  Women can control their sexual impulses more easily than men, who become sexually stimulated more easily than women.
Men become excited simply watching a girl in a mini dress.  Add a few intense kisses and you have turned him on.
Women are different since they can only be stimulated by touching.  As for a man, his natural urge is to proceed so that he can gain release from the mounting tension within him.
Because women respond more slowly, it is left to them to apply brakes, often she is the one who bears the blame.
Society rarely considers a man a poor prospect for marriage because he has gone out with numerous women.
But few men want to marry women who have had as much sexual experience as the men themselves have had.
2.  The female runs the risk of pregnancy and suffers the greater social rejection when pregnancy results.
As for a man, he does not suffer the physical pain associated with child birth or the emotional scars that remain when a young mother gives up her child for adoption, to be raised by another family.
Because it is a woman who gets pregnant, because it is a woman who carries the child in her womb, because it is a woman who gives birth, because it is a woman who has the most to loose, and who takes the greatest risk in premarital sex; therefore, the final responsibility of applying sexual brakes rests with the woman, if not, men will go too far.
A man will go only as far as the woman will allow him.  If a man’s hands begin to roam here and there, be brave say NO.
Men are very smart; they know that it is not an insult when a woman says NO tactfully and honestly.  Ladies be smart, apply sexual brakes.