CERTAINLY not all, but a great deal of what would be considered effective parenting involves a delicate balance of two extremes: Reproving and complimenting.
The goal for every mum and dad is to understand and apply the proper balance – you may even want to think of it as the art of baking, one will need the right amount of baking powder, sugar or indeed of every ingredient in order to come up with the ideal confectionery.
We undoubtedly need both reproofs and compliments if we are to be successful at the art of parenting, preferring one at the expense of the other could lead to catastrophic outcomes.
We shall now consider some tips or ideas on how and when to reprove our boys and girls for most favourable results.
*  To reprove effectively, it is vital that the child understands what it is that is expected of him or her, to ensure that instructions are correctly and accurately spelled out. This can then save as a yardstick in the event that standards are not followed.
* Setting an example of expected behaviour is better learnt from the parents. This is important if we are going to reprove effectively. It is highly confusing for a child to be expected to speak kindly to his or her sibling when all the child is exposed to as an example is mum and dad yelling at each other.
*  Reproving is most effective if it takes place at the first show of unbecoming behaviour, trying to do so at any other point will definitely create confusing puzzles in the child`s mind…” what is wrong this time – at first my parents never seemed to have a problem with this”.
* Parents should always desist from using degrading or demeaning, even insulting words when reproving their children. Just because a child has blundered does not legitimise calling them names. It is always vital for parents to show proper respect to their boys and girls regardless. Remember this is respect for them, not for their bad behaviour.
* Reprimand privately, away from the eyes of others. This is key to effective reproving.
* Avoid empty threats, make sure that unheeded warnings are marched up with the consequences. This way your child will learn that you mean serious business and will respect any one of your subsequent demands.
We shall now consider the other leg, which is that of complimenting our children. For compliments to be used successfully as a parenting tool, it will involve the following:
* It has to be immediately after or at the same time when good or a deserving act is done. If it is postponed to a much later time it has a propensity to lose the thrill.
* We already understand that reproof is most effectively done privately.
On the other hand praise or compliments should be done publicly – when a child does well as a parent be sure to tell it to your peers and the child`s friends.
* At all cost avoid giving unearned compliments, especially as children grow older they feel you as a parent are being hypocritical when you give them compliments they do not quite deserve.
* Parents will do well to avoid compliments that are comparison-based, e.g. you are smarter than your brother or you look prettier than your sister. It is always wonderful to be complimented in your own right for the good that you have done or any achievement attained.
In conclusion, both reproofs and compliments are essential and are required in their right combinations and should be applied timely for desired results.
(The author, Tenda Kamba is a parent and Sunday school teacher. For  comments and questions, write to tendakamba@yahoo.com or phone 0962 843443).