A HEALTHY relationship does not simply find itself in existence without any hard work by both man and woman.
It has to be built.
Being with someone who is completely dependent on you can sometimes be unhealthy
Everyone has had some sort of checklist when it comes to their ideal partner, which can be good for our mental health.
In today’s fast-paced world, it is important for people committing themselves to a relationship to prioritise mental and emotional well-being.
While the stigma around mental health and wellbeing is starting to reduce, some of us still feel reluctant when it comes to speaking with a counsellor.
However, a good mental well-being is a key contributor, especially when it comes to having relationships with others.
This is so because it helps us to be emotionally and mentally resilient as we go about doing our daily interactions.
Many of us are preoccupied with improving our physical health by trying to eat well and being physically active.
For many females, keeping up appearances by maintaining a good body size and shape seems to be a priority.
On the other hand, maintaining a masculine bodytops the agenda.
But, what we seem to neglect is our mental well-being that is key in our lives as it includes how we make friends, socialise, manage stress and the choices we make.
It is this mental well-being that determines how ready one is to have a healthy relationship andrelate psychologically, emotionally and socially, among other things.
My concern is the suicide and killings which are taking place among young people in higher learning institutions as a result of one partner deciding to end a relationship.
The incidences of crimes of passion and domestic abuse is another story of some individual partners who fail to manage their stress and resort to negative energy.
Studies indicate that people who are single, divorced or widowed have been associated with poorer mental well-being during the course of their lives, especially among men.
But for Milumbe, (not real name), this was not the case as she had to face the stress of her wedding preparations.
An average wedding in Zambia today can be strenuous, costing something more for the bride and groom to finally settle.
Anger can be healthy when expressed in a non-destructive way when we feel drained or upset with anything that distracts us.
For Milumbe, the stress was expressed with verbal abuse characterised with so much tension which eventually saw the wedding preparations cancelled.
It was clear that she could not cope with the normal stresses of life and this affected her relationship with her partner.
Milumbe could not acknowledge her anger but, instead, had to hurt her partner emotionally which led to a negative resolution.
Not knowing how to regulate your emotions and express them healthily can negatively affect your mental wellbeing.
It is true that a person’s mental health can change over time, depending on many factors that may trigger it.
Unfortunately, many us fail to admit that our mental well-being has not been at its best and we move on hurting other people.
Sometimes,because of past experiences or our upbringing, managing to interact with others is always a challenge.
Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being and this affects how we think, feel and act.
For instance, the red flags characterised by gender-based violence, (GBV) are easily identified in our partners yet we ignore.
Of course, it is silly to think that every negative emotion resulting from a once-in-a-while argument with your partner or someone is an alarming sign.
Imagine the impact on the coping abilities or mental well-being of a partnerwho runs out of resources and yet has rentals, school fees and other bills to take care of.
We have all seen and heard how people are challenged to address their mental well-being only to get offended that they are not suffering from mental illness.
In contrast to mental health care, mental well-being about those not suffering from mental illness.
In addition, it also helps determine how we handle stress, relate withothers and make healthy choices as well as our ability to carry out everyday activities, relationships and our overall mental health.
The World Health Organisation says mental well-being boils down to how you think and feel.
This simply means our mental well-being focuses on individuals who can get better at being the best version of ourselves and live a more meaningful life.
The GBV cases that continue to soar every year clearly indicate how many partners need to address their mental well-being.
This is so because the abuse and violence experienced by many partners have also contributed to the breakdown of family values.
It is important to understand that having a good mental well-being does not mean that you are always happy or that you are unaffected by your experiences.
There is need to take time to appreciate yourself and get in touch with your emotions to be able to express yourself clearly and more effectively if you have to have a healthy relationship.
As for Milumbe,had she admitted that she may needed a little extra help and support to manage her anger, her wedding could not have been cancelled.
It is important to seek the help of a therapist or counsellor to explore the things that are worrying you without fear of upsetting loved ones who may be too close.
For comments jessiengm@gmail.com