ROMANCE can be a great part of a relationship, while love is a key ingredient in a happy marriage.
But it is simply not enough without considering others factors.
Remember, when you choose a life partner, you are choosing a lot of things including knowing that your dream goals will have to be achieved as you take up the role of being a wife, husband and later a parent.
Partners planning to get married are encouraged to share their bucket list before they walk down the aisle as marriage is a collection of not only love, but so many things that need the agreement of both partners.
A bucket list is a collection of goals, dreams and aspirations that you would like to accomplish within your lifetime, including in your marriage life.
While it is flattering to be the center of someone’s world, it can also be a little suffocating, draining and frustrating if your partner is holding you back from accomplishing your success.
One therapist said it is great if your partner wants to spend time with you, but if they do not have anything positive going on in their lives, such as goals, chasing a career or an ambition except spending time with you, this must be a source of concern as love alone is never enough.
A chat with some friends revealed their concerns on how a good number of partners become complacent once in marriage.
Life certainly does not end when children come along.
We tend to bury our dreams, including hobbies, when we enter into marriage though in some instances, the challenges of marriage have contributed to this development.
What we are seeing is that some men are not in agreement with their partners being career women, taking a political path, being an entrepreneur and sometimes may decide to sabotage their plans because of insecurity.
As a woman, you could have entered into marriage before going to college or university, but when you decide to continue with your path, you are faced with marital conflict.
It is this same inequality in decision making in homes that has created a source of conflict where partners do not look at the positive side of what your dreams will bring as an individual, apart from being a wife or mother.
And so, a good number of women have abandoned their dreams, leading into frustration building up into anger as they wrestle with psychological abuse.
Studies show that women who are less educated and coming from vulnerable homes still have less autonomy in household decision making, such as healthcare, political, including pursuing their personal goals.
Equally, women who do not have the drive or cannot share their spouse’s vision can be draining for a healthy relationship to thrive.
Some men are drowned in their marriages because they have married women who have no focus and cannot offer anything positive.
One of the most interesting parts of being in a healthy relationship is to have a partner who can encourage you with your goals and not frustrate you.
When you are married and have a family, it is still important to keep in mind personal goals. Your goals might be small and may include joining charity work in your community or they might be larger, like eying a political position or advancing your education or career.
Also, for individuals who believe in faith, God encourages people to pursue greater things while they are still living on earth.
What this means is that whether people get married or not, they need to maximize their potential and pursue their dreams as this also helps them make an impact in their lives, family, community and in the different places they are found.
Some couples have divorced because they did not share the same dreams or stopped encouraging each other to achieve their goals.
These conflicts of goals have been a source of Gender Based Violence (GBV) and if not addressed, too much or too little or no ambition can sink a marriage.
It is important to applaud all the men and women whose dream to be stay-home partners as their choice is as important as chasing dreams such as starting your own business or becoming a career person.
Sacrificing one’s own career, hobbies and dreams for the sake of the family is selfless, but if your ambitious dreams and goals are being blocked by your partner, this should raise an alarm before you are drained.
One expert advises that a person does not have to adopt a partner’s hobbies or goals or know every detail about the roster history of the partner’s favourite football team, but needs to look for opportunities to share goals.
For many couples, having individual goals and supporting each other creates a balanced relationship where partners can continue to learn about one another.
Developing a hobby too is useful for many reasons.
It can help relieve you of the stresses that may present in your relationship and a skill that you develop and enjoy as you grow older in marriage.
“We owe it to ourselves and to the person we will marry or have married to experience as much of life as we can so that when we do promise forever, we will actually know enough about life and what it means,” one expert said.
Additionally, as couples explore their dreams, it is important to discuss and put into account how to manage their time because when too much individuality is allowed in a relationship, this may result into living parallel lives instead of blending lives together.
Eventually, this can lead to a loss of intimacy and interconnectedness that is crucial for a healthy relationship.
For comments jessiengm@gmail.com