As we paint the world orange during the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence (GBV), women do not think and only look at addressing domestic and family demands placed on them.
Things are slowly changing for women in Africa as more and more are making their presence felt and have gone back to pursue their ambitions.
Despite facing problems, such as lack of proper education, gender discrimination, gender pay gap, inequality rights, Sexual and Gender Based Violence (SGBV) affecting most women, there has been an awakening and a reckoning that has seen women reposition themselves.
The shift that has taken place is redefining cultural values positively and has witnessed a different picture for an African woman.
But more awareness is needed.
To others, this has come with costs as we witness the number of domestic violence incidents that continue to increase in the communities.
This has made it difficult to achieve non-violence free homes.
The United Nations (UN) defines domestic abuse, also known as domestic violence or intimate partner violence, as a pattern of behaviour in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.
In addition, this abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic or take psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.
It may include any behaviour that frightens, intimidates, terrorises, manipulates, hurts, humiliates, blames, injures, or wounds someone.
A report by the Zambia Police indicates that 4,042 cases of Gender Based Violence (GBV) were reported countrywide during the third quarter of 2021, compared to the same period in 2020 in which 4,620 GBV cases were recorded.
This shows a reduction of 578 cases, which translates to a 12.5 per cent reduction.
However, some gender activists have observed how a number of cases are not reported to the police by victims for fear of being sent away from home or abandoned because a good number of women depend on their abusers for their financial needs.
In addition, other forms of abuse, such as psychological and emotional, which do not leave any visible marks, are under reported, leading to depression and mental illness in some women.
Domestic violence has created obstacles for women whose partners are insecure as they try to accomplish their careers and dreams.
Gender experts have identified some causes of insecurity that women experience at the hands of men.
• Negative mindset of some partners
How society determines the differences and value of women plays an important role in every area, including marriage.
Many women do not have authority to exploit their dreams because of the mindset of their partners.
And when they become wives and mothers and try to make an attempt, this leads to violence, since domestic violence is culturally derived from gender roles.
Many women are said to be tolerant of the abuse they face and hence, their dreams are shuttered to make their partners happy.
• Unrealistic jealousy
Jealousy has exacerbated domestic violence for women whose partners are seen to be upset at every decision they make for their careers, education and business or life that does not involve men.
As much as some partners may want to have a modern, smart and independent woman, abusers of domestic violence want someone who will do what they want and one who just agrees with them on decisions they make.
Equally, experts observe who that there is nothing wrong with women who are content to give up careers to accommodate love, but if you are a woman who has a big vision in your career, education or business and experience domestic violence, there is a strong chance you may not be satisfied for long.
• Partners with different interest goals
Experts have observed that it is important to choose partners who want to help you chase success.
Finding such partners is not impossible.
Further, the experts have observed that looking for a man within a few years of your age, with similar interests and goals, can reduce on cases of domestic violence.
Similarly, marriage therapists have also observed that operating on similar intellectual levels will help ensure you have an equal partnership, which entails that partners who have common mindsets are the happiest as they are not affected by insecurity.
To beat insecurity, the therapists suggest that when dating, a woman must have evidence that a partner will cheer her on, as most women fail to evaluate this early enough.
This is crucial when you want to know if you share the same dreams.
In addition, women need to observe whether a partner is curious about their work and genuinely interested, as this signals a red flag if the partner does not respond with positive remarks.
At the same time, experts have advised that women should not get more comfortable with the idea of being equal partners.
If they are crushing it at work, a man with a less demanding schedule could be ideal.
• Prioritising child bearing in marriages
For a long time, marriages in the African society have prioritised child bearing.
But the change of a woman today still has a long way to be embraced by some families.
A good number of women still have little or no autonomy and cannot decide on their sexual reproductive rights.
Therefore, experts note that a man’s insecurities in marriage may or may not be warranted, but it creates unhealthy behaviour which leads to violence in some homes.
Women too need to be given the assurance that their career and ambitions are more important just like those of their partners.
Women are described as being multitasking and can successfully handle both family duties and careers.
Therefore, it is only important that they decide their priorities for themselves.
• Not living in reality
Marriage therapist have observed that women frequently have to make decisions that compromise and limit their goals, but this becomes challenging when their male partner is not living in reality.
Everyone wants to feel secure in a relationship, be it marriage or friendship, before they invest their emotions and energy on it.
Therefore, when women are secured within themselves, it is important that they do not lose their identity in a relationship.
The reality about life is that wives need their husbands and husbands need their wives, and while men are turned on by the idea of intelligent women, the reality may be tougher to embrace.
To have men live in reality, there is need for more awareness and provide better tools that will prepare them for the changes that are happening with women today.
Certainly, there are men who feel insecure around independent women and are happier with women who will not play a role of an equal partner, but a wife who cannot challenge them.
As one feminist observed, women can stand on the Empire State Building and scream to the heavens that they are equal to men and liberated, but until they have the same anatomy, it is a lie.
Jessiengm@gmail.com.