By Jessie Ngoma-Simengwa –
Psycho social counsellor, Angelina Halende notes that abuse is something that impacts someone’s mental health, and if not addressed, there are all these other pieces attached to it which may affect the well-being of the accused in future.
She also agrees with the saying that, if you can’t love yourself then you can’t love others.
This entails that most perpetrators of abuse cannot love others if they don’t love themselves as this emanates from the experience of not healing from experienced pain.
The continued abuse in all its form has become a major threat to the achievement of the sustainable development goals on the Continent.
Gender sexual Based Violence (SGBV) is among the most worst widespread human rights violations.
Ms Halende observes with sadness how the effects of abuse tend to have an impact when help does not come through to the affected victims after experiencing any form of violence.
Recently a twenty nine year old woman of Katozi Village in Nakonde Muchinga Province was arrested for defiling a 15-year-old boy by forcing herself on him after buying beer and later intoxicating him.
Similarly, reports on crimes of passion involving partners and ex-spouses in a jealous rage have also increased.
“Survivors are expected to rely on their families for help, the most effective tool in addressing violence also entails that the social norms, and everyone in the community must learn how to support children and women who are most vulnerable if they choose to confide in them. ‘Said Ms Halende
Ms Halende noted that self love is a very important aspect of a feeling of oneself in the development of individuals and very difficult to be self taught if one was not given the love during their formative years.
She said self love allows one to true self which helps one to feel better as the feeling of inner well-being helps to direct one in finding personal fulfillment.
.“We need to invest in proper facilities to offer counseling services for children, this is one barrier that has affected us as there is also need for more skilled personnel and logistics to address the late reporting by the victims.’’ She explained.
Sufferers of abuse may begin to change their behavior as a result of the trauma, while the responses may vary depending on the impact that victim’s experience.
Ms Halende said families and the community must take responsibility by helping victims of abuse by preventing any abuse from taking place and also after the abuse to protect the victims.
Equally, the victims must not to be forced to undergo counseling without proper approaches taking place but the affected victims, perpetrators and witnesses who saw the abuse occur must all be involved.
And a victim of GBV who left her partner and relocated to a different town has no kind words for her family and marriage counselor who could not offer solution for the emotional and psychological torture she endured.
The victim who preferred to remain anonymous said she tried all avenues to seek audience with her family but they paid a deaf ear and at some point blamed her.
“All my relatives were concerned about, was the help that my husband offered to them and the complaints i presented to them did not matter, equally my marriage counselor said it was not good for me to keep washing my dirty linen and that it was just a process that would soon end after I conceive ”. She said
And a mother, who could not hold her emotions during an interview, said her daughter could no longer have a proper interaction with her peers at home after being defiled by someone who was working within the community.
Fortunately for her, the social welfare department in Ndola stepped in as it is aware of the emotional turmoil a child experiences when sexual abuse has occurred.
Ms Halende said physical abuse is more curable than the mental abuse that a victim may experience, as it has emotional and psychological effects, and also affects one’s self-esteem and emotional development
In our everyday interaction, anger can be a normal response to certain situation that may affect us.
However, she said it becomes a barrier when people who can’t manage their anger or resolve their problems positively use it to gain authority by abusing others.
“Close family members and victims of the family may feel this anger, but we need to help them and promote the view that there is recovery and hope that the affected can receive through the community and in turn have a happy life,” she said.
Additionally, she said Counselors and family members must realise that not all victims can bring their abusive stories on their own as there are several reasons such as, victims not recognising an abusive environment as it may be perceived as being normal to them a situation that needs community sensitisation.
Furthermore, she said some victims assume that the term abuse refers only if a spouse or intimate partner has hurt them physically. Such victims do not identify psychological, verbal or other nonphysical forms of abuse as abuse and need help from family members and the community.
For others, it is a feeling of sense of shame or embarrassment about how the community will look at them and also feel they are to blame for being the target of abuse.
There is need for therapeutic interactions between the counselor and victims including other family members that also get affected.
Much as individual counseling sessions are important, family therapy yields more results as the healing helps to integrate them back.
Ms Halende said the other barrier is where parents make decisions for their abused children without considering how they feel about the trauma and pain caused.
Healing is an internal process of recovery that takes place on the physical, spiritual emotional and mental level that leads to one having a sense of being complete.
It through counseling that one can change self destruction behaviors and habits by resolving the painful experiences, Thus there is need for the country to invest in counseling facilities to accommodate both the victims and perpetrators if violence all forms is to be addressed.
