By DOROTHY CHISI –

.Kazyoba

CHILDREN are a gift from God, but in this time and age, they often get exposed to Gender Based Violence (GBV) and negative parental habits that contribute to their poor upbringing.
For example, GBV and patriarchy have conspired to leave women and girls living on the fringes of a man’s world largely because of parenting.
In this world, women and girls grow up feeling inferior; that they are not as good as boys and men.
One young man has taken it upon himself to use his writing skills help reorient parents as well as society’s marginalised groups, such as women and girls, in order to help them realise that they too possess the power to be fulfilled in their lives.
Journalist Jimmy Kanzobya, an ambitious enterprising youth, has shared his thoughts in his first-ever book entitled Silent Pain.
In the book, Jimmy, among other things, chronicles a situation one of his friends went through.
He shares the experience so that readers could learn something and take a leaf from the story.
From the title of the book, one would conclude that its contents are about nothing but pain.
But the opposite is what Jimmy brings out.
Jimmy, who is also a poet, budding journalist and radio presenter, has his roots in Kalabo and Mongu.
He was driven to write about Silent Pain because of what children go through in homes where they often fail to relate their pain because some parents are too busy doing other things other than parenting.
It is here that influences like patriarchy begin to take root, casting children to grow up according to views and belief systems that influence society.
In the book, Jimmy tries to tell the reader about how the impact of broken relationship, for example, could affect families, especially children and parents.
“Communication is very important in a home, but some children find it hard to open up to their parents and talk about things they feel,” he said.
He said mothers and fathers do not have time to for their children nowadays because of their devotion to studies and careers.
Jimmy said this resulted into broken family ties.
He said in the name of building a better foundation for their families, children are often raised to raise their fellow children because of the busy schedules of the parents.
According to Jimmy, children go through a lot of hardship in their lives and parents should open up so that the children are free to explain the different situations and troubles they face.
He said the inspiration to write Silent Pain came about when one of his friends narrated a rape ordeal she suffered at the hands of her uncle.
But she could not tell anyone for fear of what could happen to her if she revealed her experience to the family.
“Family is very important in every aspect and for one to experience healing, family is the first phase of socialisation, values and characters building,” Jimmy said.
The young author noted that family is the foundation in everything one wants to be in life, and therefore, what one becomes and sees things is determined by families.
He said his book talks about the pain experienced by those who face stigma when they go through a traumatising experience such as rape, a case of GBV, HIV infection of when they develop AIDS.
In Silent Pain, Jimmy talks about breaking the communication barriers between parents and their children rather than have a situation where the children are told to talk to their grandparents whenever they had a problem.
He said cases of child defilement were rife and it was difficult for children to open up to their parents.
“Children would rather keep situations like that to themselves because they fear that in the end, they might end up being beaten up and that will make them to hate every moment of their lives,” Jimmy said.
He said some children experience pain whenever they do something because of what others have done to them.
Jimmy explained that the book also tries to explain how children could deal with some of the situations that they face, especially situations that are too difficult for the children to handle alone.
He said parents should avoid doing embarrassing things in the presence of their children because that created a permanent mark in the children’s lives.
He said live by what they see their parents do.
“Parents should write their children’s stories that can be helpful and have real life lessons that can teach something to the children.
He said parents in Zambia should be able to embrace the culture and tradition of having united families that have good communication which should be the foundation of good child upbringing.
He said spouses should know how to treat each other so that children learn good morals.
Jimmy said many parents now want to mould children into the way they want them be and not the way God wants the children to be, which he said is a big problem.
He explained that in Silent Pain, a family could be broken and consequently collapse if there is no proper communication and if parents do not open up to their children so that the children are free to share what they feel.
“Children should learn to associate with parents so that they teach them how to do good things. That way, the children will learn to be noble and responsible citizens of the nation,” he said.
He said successful parents are role models to their children.
He said such parents remind their children who they are and are regarded by the children as good teachers in the family.
It is interesting that a youthful author putting pen to paper for the first time can address such profound ideas in a book.
Jimmy himself is hopeful that readers of Silent Pain will take a leaf from what he has written and learn something which can impact their family.