I WISH all esteemed followers of this column a happy 2014 and harmonious stay in marriages.
Do you believe that God has a purpose for your marriage? You should, for everything under the sun; God has a purpose for it.
All that is needed is to find out from the Creator. God did not waste His time in instituting worthless marriage. Thus, marriage, which was instituted by God, is not worthless; it was intended to fulfill certain functions.
The success of every marriage is determined by how well the couple align themselves with the purposes of God in this regard. In this chapter, we shall examine some of the purposes of God for marriage as revealed in His Word, the Holy Bible.
What are the functions of marriage? The first thing that comes to mind is that, marriage is a means to achieve happiness. But we must recognise that happiness can be elusive.
Happiness cannot be realised simply by making a decision to marry. Happiness cannot be bought. Millions of people seek happiness and spend their lives in trying to find it by one means or another. But, strangely, happiness does not come to those who seem to want it most.
Happiness is an incidental, a by-product of successful living. It depends upon many factors, but as for happiness in marriage, it results when marriage fulfills its proper functions. What are these functions?
1. To provide a helpmate. The Bible is very plain that the primary purpose of marriage is to provide a help mate for man. Before Eve was given to Adam, certain responsibilities had been committed to him. It was his duty to dress and keep the garden [Genesis 2:15].
But God saw that Adam needed help to fulfill these responsibilities. Companionship is one of the first purposes of families.
Scripture uses family and household to describe social units made up of relatives and sometimes domestic helpers, all dwelling together in companionship.
With the marriage of the first couple, God provided a very special kind of companionship.
He intended husbands and wives to experience a unique union He called “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). “The Lord God said, It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him” [Genesis 2:18].
The purpose of God in marriage is to create a helper that is suitable, adaptable and complementary, not just any kind of help – a helpmate for all areas of life. Marriage is meant to improve living.
The family is meant to provide help, not to establish hurt.
Contrary to God’s purpose, many families are hurting and constantly living in conflict with each other. An understanding of God’s purpose will go a long way in alleviating such hurts.
God rectified the only omission in the whole of creation by creating a woman for the man, thereby instituting marriage.
If it was not good for man to be alone at that time, it is even more so today. God who said it is not good for man to dwell alone knew better.
There are many married couples who live together and yet very far apart. Such marriages are always empty, they are full of frustrations, and quarrels are the order of the day.
True companionship will add meaning to your marriage. Your spouse will not just be a roommate, but your closest friend and a helpmate.
She will be your best consultant and closest associate in all things. When this happens, you will find pleasure and fulfillment in your marriage relationship
2. To provide security. The second function of marriage is to provide security, both financial and emotional. Emotional security is even more important to the integrity of a home than financial security. It is the normal desire to be secure in matters of the heart that impels a young man and a young woman towards marriage.
There a human need which causes a person to marry, a person who will be unprejudiced, and loyal as he or she shares the problems and anxieties of the moment.
Marriage should also provide emotional and financial security for the children who come into a home. Security in the broad sense is the child’s greatest need.
When the child feels secure within his own home, his character and personality will develop symmetrically in spite of unfavorable external influences.
But if he is deprived of that security, his development is in great danger of being warped and distorted. The high incidence of delinquency among the youth who come from divided homes is tangible evidence of this need of security.
The security which marriage provides to husbands and wives should be guaranteed also to the children. They too require both emotional and financial security as a part of the foundation on which to build their lives. In one sense, security is the child’s greatest need.
Another connection in which marriage should provide security is with relation to the uncertainties of old age.
Not only does the bond of marriage provide a sympathetic spouse in the event of sickness, but it also provides a family setting in which grown children properly assume the responsibility of caring for the aged.
3. To provide for spiritual and cultural growth. The family is the structural of the community and of the nation. The cumulative qualities of many families determine the spiritual and cultural tenor of the community.
Also any single’s attainment in spiritual and cultural matters reflects, for the most part, the influences that exist within his family.
The policies of the husband and wife as they guide the interests of their family unit toward worthwhile goals exert influences which promote the better things of life and encourage those personal qualities which can be perpetuated in eternity.
Furthermore, the spiritual and cultural attainments of the individual members of the family are a reflection of the influences existing within the family circle.
The molding influences for the better things of this life and for those qualities which will be perpetuated into eternity are all shaped by the combined efforts of husband and wife, father and mother.
4. To foster integrity. The fourth function of marriage is to generate and promulgate the ideals of personal responsibility which provide the backbone of civilization.
The first step husband and wife must take in fulfilling this function is to establish and follow a policy of absolute fidelity.
When husband and wife are consistently and completely true to each other, the influence of this wholesome relationship permeates the home and radiates throughout the community. It exerts a stabilizing influence both inside and outside the home circle.
The degree of veneration which a home, a community, a church, and a nation give a marriage provides a reliable index of the moral quality of that society.
When regard for the sanctity of marriage wavers, other standards and values suffer correspondingly. Any deception, any compromise, practiced by either husband or wife in matters relating to the sacredness of marriage serves to undermine the mutual confidence which should bind husband and wife together as an invincible unit.
Marriage is what makes a home possible. And it is within the home that the die is cast which determines the attitudes and standards of the next generation.
It is within the home that opportunities are provided for encouraging the principles of true democracy. It is here that a regard for the rights of others is developed. It is here in the family that respect for authority is emphasised.
Parents are in the key position to demonstrate to the children the need for loyal to the group. It is in the home that respect for law and order has its beginnings.
The basic responsibility for maintaining the standards and ideals of society resides in the home.
5. Maintain purity of the family. This is another important purpose for marriage; the scriptures testify that it is check for sexual immorality. “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband” [1 Corinthians 7:2].
God made man with certain physiological needs. One of these is the need for sex. In order to satisfy this need, it ought to be done decently and in order in the marriage setting.
When the sex urge is satisfied in the extra-marital context, it is sin and contrary to God’s nature and what He has ordained. “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality” [1 Thessalonians 4:3].
God knew that not all people will be able to live a successful holy life, without satisfying this biological need. Marriage was provided to meet this important need.
This is not to suggest that marriage is for people who cannot control themselves, the truth of the matter is that if you cannot tame your sexual drive, you will not be able to exercise self control when you are married.
This means you will be in serious temptation when your partner is not available. Self control is a must, especially for singles.
God expects married couples to give sexual satisfaction to each other. Sex, in the context of marriage is not dirty and is not sin.
This was God’s plan and it ought to be received as such. The married couples should not hold back from your sexual partners with whom you are lawfully joined to in marriage.
Some hold back as a way to punish their partners or press for something. The Word of God is totally against this practice. “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control” [1 Corinthians 7:4, 5].
The above scripture leaves no room on the ideal sexual relationship between the couple. They are to enjoy each other, except in the case where they need time for prayer.
Paul was quick to add that after such time of prayer, they should unite again so as not to give room to temptation.
It means that those who are withholding their bodies unnecessarily are inviting for marital problems.
6. For procreation. A fifth major function of marriage, which is purposely placed last in the present list, deals with the perpetuation of the race. Too often this function is given pre-eminence as the outstanding function of marriage.
From the biological standpoint the function of bringing children into being is primary. But in order to discharge the privileges and responsibilities of parenthood effectively, marriage partners must provide a setting in which children receive an honest and favorable appraisal of life.
Success in parenthood depends upon personal attainments of each of the parents.
As parents are successful and happy individuals, so their children will become successful and happy. The Bible clearly reserves marriage for two people of opposite sex.
To be a husband, a person must be male. To be a wife, a person must be female. There is no provision whatsoever for two males to be husband and wife or for two females to have a husband and wife relationship.
Marriage is for two people who are of opposite sex. The two together create one complete entity before God, or together they reflect the image of God.
*Female – wife – mother
*Male – husband – father
The roles in marriage are highly gender specific. A female qualifies to be a wife first, in turn; being a wife qualifies her to be a mother.
Certainly, a female can become a mother before she becomes a wife – but that is out of God’s divine order. Likewise, a male qualifies to be a husband first, and in turn, being a husband qualifies him to be a father. Before a male is a husband, he has no authority over any female. It’s only after he has become husband that he has authority over a wife.
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